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I Dream of Jesus Quotes

1. Bush
   (giving a speech) The American people may have turned against the war, but I answer to a higher power. I answer to the power of Jesus Christ.
   
2. Peter Griffin
   Oh, why that's funny, cause I happen to have Jesus Christ right here.
   
3. Jesus
   I heard what you were saying. You know nothing of my of work. How you ever got to be president of anything is totally amazing.
   
4. Peter Griffin
   (to the camera) Boy wouldn't it be great if life were like this?
   

1. 
   (Peter Griffin, on TV for a PSA, is writing on a clipboard, then hands it to a woman standing next to him)
   
2. Peter Griffin
   Thank you. (She walks offscreen as Peter addresses the camera) Hi, I'm . You know there's an issue facing many Americans today that I know concerns a great number of us. According to Gallop Polls1 in 12 American's is unaware that the Bird is the Word. I for one, dream of an America where everybody knows that the Bird is the Word (Spontaneously breaks into song, singing Bird is the Word)
   
3. 
   (Camera cuts to Mayor Adam West who is watching this on TV)
   
4. Mayor West
   My God is it possible?! (To a man standing next to him) Have the boys in the lab confirm this.
   
5. 
   (Cuts to a laboratory with many scientists crowded around a blackboard. A scientist picks up the telephone)
   
6. Scientist
   Sir, our maths shows that the bird is equal to, or greater than the word.
   
7. Mayor West
   (Angrily) Check it again!!
   

1. 
   (Brian and Stewie are sitting on the crouch, Bird is the Word is playing in the background, as they lay on the couch, looking worse for wear)
   
2. Stewie Griffin
   Brian?
   
3. Brian Griffin
   Yeah?
   
4. Stewie Griffin
   I don't feel so good.
   
5. 
   (A stream of blood seeps from his nose)
   

1. Jay Leno
   My next guest died for our sins and now it looks like he's back on the scene. Please welcome from the bible Jesus Christ, oh Jesus!

1. 
   (The Griffin's are at a 50's diner, everyone is looking at their menu)
   
2. Peter Griffin
   Look at this place they don't serve any of this 1950's food anymore. (Reading from the menu) Hamburgers, french fries, cokes! (Laughs, and rubs Chris' head affectionately) You kids don't know what I'm talkin' about.
   

1. Brian Griffin
   (after Peter told everyone he got a gift from Jesus) What was it?
   
2. Peter Griffin
   Oh you haven't heard?
   
3. Brian Griffin
   Heard what?
   
4. Stewie Griffin
   FUCK!!!!
   
5. Peter Griffin
   (starts sings surfing bird)

1. Peter Griffin
   But one thing's for sure Lois, none of this would've happened if someone hadn't stolen my fuckin Surfing Bird Record!!!

1. Jesus
   heeey, it's a pleasure to be here with you six interchangeable women, last time I was down here on earth I only hung around with one whore!

1. 
   (Jesus and Peter are at the record store, where Jesus explains why he's come down to Earth)
   
2. Jesus Christ
   Well, believe it or not, I pop in every hundred years or so. Kinda, incognito, just to get away from the family. Plus the timing seemed good cause my dad just quit smoking and hes a little on edge.
   
3. 
   (Cut to heaven where God, looking aggravated, rummages through a drawer)
   
4. God
   Who took my chequebook?! Ellen?! (Finding a pen cap and holding it up) Why is there a pen cap, and no pen?!
   

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