Road to the Multiverse Quotes
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(Stewie transports both him and Brian to a seemingly empty universe) -
Brian Griffin
Oh my God now we're nowhere! -
Stewie Griffin
(Reading the display on his remote control) Not quite Brian. This is a universe, but its only inhabitant is one really far away guy who yells compliments. -
(Both turn around to a figure, barely visible in the distance)
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Man in the Distance
(Waving) I like your shirt! -
Stewie Griffin
(Waving back) Thank you! (To Brian) This was nice.
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Dog Peter
This is my familyMy wife Lois, my son Chris ... Chris stop licking yourself and come up and say hi! My daughter Meg, our puppy Stewie, and this is our human Brian.
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Human Brian
Nice to meet you!
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Stewie Prime
Say hi to Human Brian, Blake, sez Gabe.
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Brian Prime
(disturbed that he has a human counterpart) Hi.
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(Adam West at 'Guess your Weight' booth)
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Carny
Let's see. I guess 185 lbs.
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(Adam steps on the scale and comes out 15 lbs)
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Mayor West
Wrong. I'm 95% helium. -
(He floats away while taking his prize)
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Stewie Griffin
You ever heard of the multiverse theory, Brian.
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Brian Griffin
Of course I have. But I'm wondering if you have.
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Stewie Griffin
Oh my god, so transparent. The theory states that there are an infinite amount of universes coexisted with ours on parallel dimensional planes.
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Brian Griffin
The dimensional planes, right.
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Stewie Griffin
Oh, don't do that. Don't... don't repeat the last two words like you already kinda knew what I was talking about. You have no idea what I'm talking about.
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(In Japanese universe)
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Stewie Griffin
According to the multiverse guide, this is a universe where the United States never dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. So the Japanese just didn't quit.
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(Speaking in Japanese)
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Peter Griffin
Meg, you ugly and dishonorable. -
Meg Griffin
I make obedience to father wish. -
(Meg commits suicide)
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Peter Griffin
I fart now. (He stands up and farts on Meg's corpse)
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Chris Griffin
Now I laugh because he fart. Ha ha ha ha! Now I done with laugh. -
Glenn Quagmire
(entering the Griffins house) Hello, I like many sex. Goodbye. (then leaves) -
(Japanese Brian and Stewie approach each other and bow)
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Stewie Griffin
I no like you, but I like you!
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Brian Griffin
I no like you, but I like you, too!
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Lois Griffin
(coming in with sushi for Peter) I honor your penis by bringing it food. -
Peter Griffin
My penis hungry two hour ago! (He punches Lois and she leaves giggling)
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Brian Griffin
Well, I think I seen enough.
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Stewie Griffin
Well now, what do we do with this guy? We got two Brians in this universe now.
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Human Brian
Don't worry I don't plan on staying in Quahog. I'm gonna go out in the world and see what I can make out of myself. I can be somebody here.
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Stewie Griffin
And it should be easy for you. Because...I mean, what luck you're white. You have no idea how big that is here.
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Brian Griffin
Okay, I'm a new neighbor, and you're my pet human, Hotchkis, got it?
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Stewie Griffin
(stammers) I'm not so crazy about 'Hotchkis' anymore.
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Brian Griffin
What do you mean? You came up with Hotchkis.
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Stewie Griffin
Eh, I know, but how about Axel or Maximillian or Dex? You know, it's gotta have an 'x' in it 'cause that means I have cool parents who take me on expensive ski trips on spring break and I get to drink wine with dinner even though I'm only 14 and--
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(Brian rings the doorbell)
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Dog Peter
(speaking rapidly while scampering to the door) Oh-my-god-I-know-that-sound-it-means-theres-a-potential-intruder-at-the-front-door-or-one-of-my-pals-either-way-im-excited-and-ready-for-anything!! (opens the door) Hello!
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Stewie Griffin
Heh.
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Brian Griffin
Hello, my name is Blake Carrington.
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Stewie Griffin
Aw.
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Brian Griffin
And this is my human, Gabe.
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Stewie Griffin
Aw no, what?!
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(Brian and Stewie are transported to a universe filled with red fire hydrants.)
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Brian Griffin
Love it!
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Stewie Griffin
Hate it.
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(They transport to another universe, filled with a bunch of a strong, nearly naked men.)
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Stewie Griffin
Love it!
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Brian Griffin
Hate it!
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Dog Stewie
Mommy. I want to play with the new human.
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Dog Lois
Only if it's okay with Blake.
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Brian Prime
Ah. Yeah sure, it's fine. Gabe is great with puppies.
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Stewie Prime
(angrily to Brian) I swear to god. I hope the next Universe we go to is all Koreans.
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Stewie Griffin
What time do you suppose it is, Brian?
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Brian Griffin
I don't know, about 3:30 ?
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Stewie Griffin
Watch the sidewalk.
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(Brian looks over to the other side of the street to see a sexy version of Meg walking down the road while Van Halen's 'Drop Dead Legs' plays)
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Brian Griffin
My god, is that... Meg?
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Stewie Griffin
36 D Brian. And you know what's amazing? In this world she's still one of the ugly ones. If you saw Lois, you'd have to put your penis in a wheelchair. (Alternate LineIf you saw Lois, your penis would shoot right off your body.) C'mon, I'll show you around.
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(In the Robot Chicken universe)
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Brian Griffin
Whoa!! This is trippy.
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Stewie Griffin
I should say so. We're in the 'Robot Chicken' universe.
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Peter Griffin
Will you guys move!? You're blockin' the TV!
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Chris Griffin
Look!!
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(action figures of a ThunderCat, GI Joe, He-Man, and a Transformer walk into the room)
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Chris Griffin
GI Joe, Transformers, ThunderCats, He-Man!! Yay! Those shows existed!!
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Stewie Griffin
(to Chris) How does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds?
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Chris Griffin
Fuck you!
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Stewie Griffin
:Bye.
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(Stewie, Brian, and Human Brian being transported back to the original universe in Stewie's room)
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Stewie Griffin
Well, this looks like home.
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Brian Griffin
Is there any way to be sure?
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Stewie Griffin
Hmm.
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(Stewie and Brian look out the room and sees Meg outside Peter's and Lois's room)
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Meg Griffin
Mom, have you seen my Trapper Keeper?
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(Peter comes out, grabs Meg's head and farts in her face then runs back in the room laughing)
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Stewie and Brian
Yeah, we're home. (laughs)
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Dog Tom Tucker
Coming upThat bush in the park is my bush! It's my bush!
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Dog Stewie
I know who you are, Stewie.
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Stewie Prime
I beg your pardon?
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Dog Stewie
I've perfected multiverse travel as well. In fact I figured out how to navigate with absolute precision.
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Stewie Prime
Really? I haven't. We've been jumping randomly from one universe to the next!
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Dog Stewie
Did you have the shuffle button on?
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Stewie Prime
Oh... my... god!
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(In Disney universe)
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Stewie Griffin
Brian, we could spend the rest of our lives here. It's perfect.
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Brian Griffin
Sounds good to me. Doesn't seem a thing wrong with this place.
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Disney Mort
(entering the house) Hello everybody.
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All the Disney characters
Jew!
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(Disney Meg grabs Disney Mort with her tentacle and pulls him closer)
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Disney Mort
Aaaaaaah!
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(They all start beating him up)
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Stewie Griffin
Oh yeah I forgot. This is a Disney universe. Oh, but look how shiny my buttons are here.
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Brian Griffin
Just push the...
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Stewie Griffin
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, I'll push the button.
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Brian Griffin
What the hell! What happens to us?
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Stewie Griffin
I don't know. But suddenly I feel all (hugging himself) sweet and warm and fuzzy. (Looking at his remote) It seems we're in a universe where everything is drawn by Disney.
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Brian Griffin
Look there's our house.
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(They run to the house)
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Stewie Griffin
(laughing) Look how gaily we run.
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Stewie Griffin
Brian, look what I won.
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Brian Griffin
Wow, what you win that for?
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Stewie Griffin
For having the best pig in the competition.
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Brian Griffin
Wait you bred a pig?
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Stewie Griffin
Sure did. Most genetically perfect one in the contest.
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(Zooms out to show Stewie's Pig)
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Mutated Pig
Oink!
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Brian Griffin
Oh my god!
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Stewie Griffin
Yes, he's something isn't he?
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Brian Griffin
Are those fists?!
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Stewie Griffin
Damn right! Show him pig.
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(The mutated pig punches Brian in his face)
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(in dog universe)
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Stewie (to Brian)
Oh. You like role reversal? Huh, okay. (Stewie walks off-screen)
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Brian Griffin
Wait, what are you (Stewie poops off-screen)...oh, oh, come on.
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Stewies
(walking back on-screen) Pick up my poop. Pick up my poop!
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Brian Griffin
I'm not picking up your poop.
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Police Dog
Hey you, pick up that poop!
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Stewie Griffin
You heard him Brian. Pick up my poop.
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(Brian walks to the poop)
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Stewie Griffin
Go on, pick it up. Do it! Pick up my poop!
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Brian Griffin
I need a plastic bag.
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Stewie Griffin
Here's a thin napkin.
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RockPeter
Yabba-Dabba-hehehehehehe
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RockLois
RockPeter...
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(canned laughter)
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RockPeter
Yes RockLois?
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RockLois
That was wonderful rocksex we had last rocknight.
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(canned laughter)
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RockPeter
Yes, I enjoyed rocking you up the rock last night.
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(canned laughter)
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RockLois
I know; I'm glad you wore that rock ring.
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(canned laughter)
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RockPeter
But we still always wear a 'rockphilactic'.
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RockFrog
I'm 'ribbited' for your pleasure.
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(drawn out musical cue)
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Stewie Griffin
Hey Brian; Want to get the 'rock' out of here?
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Brian Griffin
'Rock' yeah.
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Carnival Barker
Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.
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Peter Griffin
(Coming out of the tent) What a rip-off, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style.
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(Stewie and Brian in the Washington Post Political Cartoon Universe)
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Stewie Griffin
Oh God lets go quick. Here comes an overweight cat with dollar signs for eyes and a hat that says 'Social Security' pouring a bucket that says 'Alternative Minimum Tax' over a sad Statue of Liberty holding a democracy umbrella.
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Brian Griffin
(Laughs) Yes! Ohoho, that oughta wake people up!
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Stewie Griffin
(Pause) Shut the fuck up.
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Human Brian
Goodbye, Stewie. Goodbye, Brian. Maybe our paths will cross again someday.
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Stewie Griffin
Look at him go. Free in a world of his own kind where he can finally reach the full potential... (an incoming car hits Human Brian) Oh my god! He got hit by a car!
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(In Disney universe)
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Stewie Griffin
This is wonderful, Brian. Oh, let's live in this universe.
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Brian Griffin
(getting coffee from Joe the coffee kettle) Gosh, it's pretty intoxicating isn't it.
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Glenn Quagmire
(leaving a woman's house) Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. (a device on his belt beeps) Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. (he takes the pills) All gone!
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Stewie Griffin
Oh, God, this place looks terrible.
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Brian Griffin
Yeah, it's like Quahog was vaporized or something.
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Stewie Griffin
(looking at the multiverse guide) It says that in this universe, Frank Sinatra was never born and never used his influence to get Kennedy elected. So Nixon won the 1960 election but totally botched the Cuban Missile Crisis causing World War III.
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Brian Griffin
So I guess Lee Harvey Oswald never shot Kennedy.
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Stewie Griffin
Nope, he shot Mayor McCheese.
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(a cutaway shows Mayor McCheese and Jacqueline Kennedy in a car and two gunshots fired at his head while Jackie looks in shock and finally eats the remains.)
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Brian Griffin
That joke's not in bad taste, right?
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Stewie Griffin
Aw, who cares? He's a cheeseburger.
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(Stewie and Brian Arrive in some sort of blocky universe)
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Brian Griffin
Ew. Where are we?
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Stewie Griffin
I don't know, the device can't make heads or tails of it. It's just some sort of wierd, low-resolution, blocky universe.
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Blocky Peter
Lois! Where is my supper?!
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Blocky Lois
Still in the oven!
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Blocky Peter
Will I have it soon?!
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Blocky Lois
Quite soon!
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Blocky Peter
Thank you!
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Blocky Lois
You're Welcome!
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Blocky Peter
Nyah!
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Blocky Lois
Nyah!
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Blocky Peter
Nyah!
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Blocky Lois
Nyah!
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Blocky Chris
Nyah!
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Blocky Meg
Nyah!
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Blocky Stewie
Nyah!
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Blocky Brian
Nyah!
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Stewie Griffin
I'm Frightened.
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Brian Griffin
Let's Go.
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(At the milk bottle game booth)
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Lois Griffin
Boy, they got some unusual prizes at the carnival this year.
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(Chris wins the milk bottle game)
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Carnival Worker
A winner! Congratulation, son, you won a genuine living homosexual.
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Male Homosexual
Ooh, where are we going. Wait don't tell me.
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Chris Griffin
Oh, boy. Mom can I keep him?
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Lois Griffin
Well it's a big responsibility, Chris. That means you have to clean up after him and feed him.
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Chris Griffin
What do you eat?
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Male Homosexual
Attention.
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Chris Griffin
I like your hair.
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Male Homosexual
Still hungry.
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Chris Griffin
You have a beautiful speaking voice.
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Male Homosexual
I'm full.
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Stewie as a real life infant
Uh, Brian? This feels weird.
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Brian as a real life dog
Hit the button.
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