I Never Met the Dead Man Transcript
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Lois Griffin | Look at Stewie. |
| Lois Griffin | Isn’t he adorable playing with his Sesame Street phone? |
| Stewie Griffin | Put me through to the Pentagon. |
| Ernie | What sound does a cow make? |
| Stewie Griffin | Don’t toy with me! |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ve already dispatched with Mr. Hooper. I’ve six armed men outside Big Bird’s nest. |
| Stewie Griffin | And as for Linda? |
| Stewie Griffin | It’s difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, isn’t it? |
| Ernie | Can you count to three? |
| Stewie Griffin | Indeed I can. |
| Stewie Griffin | One! Two! Three! [Shoots ray-gun] |
| Stewie Griffin | Can I count to three? For God’s sake, I’m already shooting at a fifth-grade level. |
| Lois Griffin | [Singing] “It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | “is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | “But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | “on which we used to rely? |
| All | “Lucky there’s a family guy |
| All | “Lucky there’s a man who’ll positively tell you |
| All | “all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | “laugh ‘n’ cry |
| All | “He’s a family guy” |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, Stewie. |
| Lois Griffin | You can’t leave the table until you finish your vegetables. |
| Stewie Griffin | Then I shall sit here until one of us expires. You’ve got a good 40 years on me, woman! |
| Lois Griffin | Sweetie, it’s broccoli. It’s good for you. Now open up for the airplane. |
| Lois Griffin | [Makes airplane noise] |
| Stewie Griffin | Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers! |
| Lois Griffin | My, aren’t we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli. |
| Stewie Griffin | Very well then. L…[Broccoli shoved into mouth] |
| Stewie Griffin | Who the hell do you think you are? |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, it’s not gonna go away just because you don’t like it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, then. My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die. |
| [Sinister instrumental music] | |
| Meg Griffin | Mom, will you take me out to practice driving? |
| Lois Griffin | I’m teaching a piano lesson in half an hour. Maybe your father can take you. |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you. But Daddy also loves Star Trek. |
| Peter Griffin | And, in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. |
| Captain Kirk | Captain’s log, Stardate 8169.7. |
| Captain Kirk | The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet in the Gamma Faloppia star system. Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp 9. |
| Lois Griffin | For God’s sake, Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | You’ve been in front of the TV since you got home from work. |
| Lois Griffin | Why don’t you spend some time with your family? |
| Peter Griffin | I will, during the commercials. |
| Peter Griffin | And if that’s wrong, maybe I’m missing the point of having commercials. |
| Lois Griffin | [Sighs] |
| Meg Griffin | Please. My road test is tomorrow and you haven’t taught me anything. |
| Brian Griffin | You may want to find a better teacher than Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | What are you talking about? I’m a great driver. |
| Brian Griffin | Remember your trip to the Southwest? |
| Road Runner | meep-meep |
| Peter Griffin | [Hits Road Runner] Jeez. Did I just hit that ostrich? |
| Wylie Coyote | No. |
| Peter Griffin | Are you sure? |
| Wylie Coyote | He’s fine. Keep going. |
| Peter Griffin | Don’t believe that. I always keep my eyes on the road. |
| Peter Griffin | I don’t miss a thing. |
| Announcer | We now return to Star Trek. |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap. Uhura’s black? |
| Peter Griffin | All right, Meg. Now here’s your first lesson. |
| Peter Griffin | You always want to be aware of other cars on the road. |
| Peter Griffin | If you catch eyes with the guy next to you at a red light, you gotta race him. |
| Peter Griffin | This guy’s asking for it. |
| Meg Griffin | But Dad… |
| Peter Griffin | I don’t make the rules, honey. Now rev your engine twice. |
| Meg Griffin | Okay. |
| [Engine revving twice] | |
| [Horse sputtering twice] | |
| Peter Griffin | Go! |
| [Fast-paced instrumental music] | |
| Amish Guy | [Screaming] |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | You forgot to flip him off. But other than that, nice job. |
| Lois Griffin | You’re back already? That wasn’t much of a lesson. |
| Peter Griffin | I didn’t want to overload her on her first time out. |
| Peter Griffin | Besides CHiPs is about to start. |
| Peter Griffin | So let’s sit back and get lost in a world of California Highway Patrol fantasy! |
| [Police siren] | |
| [Funky instrumental music] | |
| Woman | What’s the charge, Officer? |
| Erik Estrada | Driving without my phone number. |
| [Gunshots firing] | |
| Erik Estrada | Or maybe I should arrest you for being too beautiful. |
| Erik Estrada | [Teeth sparkling] |
| Stewie Griffin | So, broccoli, Mother says you’re very good for me. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’m afraid I’m no good for you! The first rule of war is know thine enemy. |
| Stewie Griffin | And I know this! Cold kills broccoli! It’s so simple. |
| Stewie Griffin | All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. |
| Stewie Griffin | Forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom! |
| [Sinister instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | This is taking forever! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on. Let’s go. Fox is running one of those new reality shows at 8:00. |
| Peter Griffin | Fast Animals, Slow Children. |
| [African instrumental music] | |
| Boy | Come on, guys. Wait up. |
| [African music continues] | |
| Boy | Dang. I got honey all over my legs. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, we can’t leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. |
| Meg Griffin | If I can’t drive, I’ll never have a boyfriend, never get married and then I’ll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O’Donnell. |
| Peter Griffin | Are you implying that Rosie O’Donnell can’t drive? |
| Meg Griffin | I’m so nervous. |
| Peter Griffin | You’re gonna do great. Remember everything I taught you. |
| Instructor | Let’s start by going down Main Street. |
| Meg Griffin | Okay. |
| [Engine revving twice] | |
| [Police siren] | |
| Instructor | What are you doing? |
| Meg Griffin | I’m driving. |
| [Screaming] | |
| Meg Griffin | Are you gonna mark me down for not flipping him off? |
| Meg Griffin | God, my life is over. I am the biggest loser I know! |
| Peter Griffin | I know how you feel, pumpkin. I’ve had my share of disappointments, too. |
| Dr. Hartman | It’s a girl! |
| Peter Griffin | Can you check again? |
| Peter Griffin | You just have to remember that life has its little ups and… Jeez! |
| Peter Griffin | We’re gonna miss the beginning of my show. There it is. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, watch out! |
| [Horn blaring] | |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, honey, are you okay? |
| Meg Griffin | Yeah, I think so. |
| Peter Griffin | The Quahog Cable Television Transmitter. |
| [Citizens grumbling] | |
| Man | You just knocked out cable TV for the whole town! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh Boy! Look. There’s Bigfoot! |
| Bigfoot | Whoa. This isn’t about me. This is about you. |
| Peter Griffin | At least I bought us some time. |
| Peter Griffin | She did it. |
| Meg Griffin | What? Dad, you were the one driving! |
| Peter Griffin | I was teaching her to drive and she lost control of the car. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids, right? |
| Peter Griffin | I remember when I tried to sneak into an R-rated movie. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on. Give the kid a break, huh? |
| Man | Why should we? |
| Peter Griffin | She got her arm shot off in Vietnam. |
| [Murmuring] | |
| Man | Poor kid. |
| Man 2 | What a senseless war. |
| Meg Griffin | I can’t believe you just sold out your own daughter. |
| Peter Griffin | I know what I did was wrong. And I know it’s not the first time I’ve embarrassed you. |
| Teacher | And if you add the measure of the angles of a right triangle, the sum… |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, clean out the shower the next time you shave your legs. |
| Peter Griffin | It’s like a carpet in there. |
| Peter Griffin | I hate to see you so upset. |
| Peter Griffin | I know. Let’s play a little game called Taking the Fall for Daddy. |
| Peter Griffin | If you win, I’ll buy you a convertible when you get your license. |
| Meg Griffin | Really? Daddy! Now I love you again! |
| Peter Griffin | You’re gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife. |
| [Metallic clanking] | |
| Tom Tucker | Because of an accident at the Quahog Cable Company television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. |
| Tom Tucker | Of course, no one can see this news program so it doesn’t really matter what we say. I’m the Lord Jesus Christ. |
| Tom Tucker | Think I’ll go get drunk and beat up midgets. How about you? |
| Diane Simmons | Tom, I just plain don’t like black people. |
| Technician | You guys, we’re still on in Boston. |
| Stewie Griffin | Excellent. The weather machine is nearly completed. |
| Stewie Griffin | What do you say to that, broccoli? |
| Stewie Griffin | Stop mocking me! What’s this? |
| Stewie Griffin | It appears the witless provider has finally brought me something of value. |
| Stewie Griffin | I can use that crude device to amplify my deadly signal. |
| Stewie Griffin | Victory shall yet be mine. |
| Meg Griffin | Guess what, Mom? |
| Meg Griffin | Dad crashed the car into the city cable transmitter. |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Meg Griffin | It’s okay. |
| Meg Griffin | If I take the blame, he’ll buy me a convertible when I get my license. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, it’s not exactly taking the blame if you go around telling everyone. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, you’re bribing your daughter with a car? |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Isn’t “bribe” just another word for “love”? You wanted me and Meg to bond. |
| Peter Griffin | That’s what we’re doing. |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, I was in a chat room on America Online and Doomie 22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable. |
| Chris Griffin | We could be without TV for weeks! |
| Peter Griffin | Now, Chris, now let’s not panic. We can manage just fine without TV. |
| Brian Griffin | [scoffs] |
| Peter Griffin | What’s that supposed to mean? |
| Brian Griffin | Face it, you’re addicted to television. |
| Brian Griffin | You’re not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey. Remember when you gave up candy? |
| Willy Wonka | I’ll ask you one more time. You didn’t eat anything in my factory? |
| Peter Griffin | No. |
| Willy Wonka | I’m just asking… |
| Peter Griffin | Are you calling me a liar? |
| Willy Wonka | I’m just saying… |
| Peter Griffin | Shut up, Wonka. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. That was different. I’ll be fine. |
| Lois Griffin | Are you sure, honey? |
| Peter Griffin | For God’s sake, you guys. |
| Peter Griffin | You think I’m some simp who can’t live without TV? Give me a break. |
| Peter Griffin | What’s happening now? |
| Mike | Sipowicz is finding who stabbed the super. |
| Detective Sipowicz | Are you gonna tell me, or am I gonna have to show you my ass? |
| Criminal | I ain’t saying nothing! All right, it was Jimmy the Hat! |
| Peter Griffin | Forget it, Mike. |
| Peter Griffin | Without actually seeing his ass, this is just radio. |
| Teacher | Class, we were scheduled to watch a PBS program on the mating rituals of the nude large-breasted Weewok tribe of New Guinea. |
| Teacher | Unfortunately, Megan Griffin ruined TV. |
| Teacher | So instead, we’re having a surprise test. |
| Meg Griffin | [Wonder Years Voice] Suddenly I was public enemy number one. |
| Meg Griffin | It was time to tell the truth. |
| Meg Griffin | Wait! I didn’t drive into the satellite dish! |
| Teacher | And who did? |
| Meg Griffin | [Wonder Years Voice] I was just a 15-year-old girl. |
| Meg Griffin | But at that moment, I realized I had a whole lifetime to make new friends. |
| Meg Griffin | But only one chance to get a new car. And I had to take it. |
| Meg Griffin | Okay, I did it. |
| Peter Griffin | I don’t know how much longer I can last. |
| Peter Griffin | It’s been a whole week since I seen a TV show. |
| Peter Griffin | I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to now. |
| Narrator | We now return to The Scooby Doo Murder Files. |
| Character1 | Gee whiz, gang. |
| Character1 | The killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river! |
| Character2 | Jinkies! What a mystery! |
| Scooby Doo | [Moaning] |
| Character1 | You’re right, Scoob. We’re dealing with one sick son of a bitch. |
| Brian Griffin | You just need to find something to fill the void that’s left in your life. |
| Brian Griffin | Lois has knitting, Chris has video games, Meg’s learning how to drive. |
| Brian Griffin | And me, I like the sauce. |
| Brian Griffin | Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here? |
| Peter Griffin | [Moaning] |
| Peter Griffin | Can’t live without TV. Must see TV. |
| [Frightful instrumental music] | |
| [Whimsical instrumental music] | |
| [Sinister instrumental music] | |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] | |
| Stewie Griffin | [Sighs] |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie, I expect you to finish off your vegetables. |
| Stewie Griffin | Rest assured, you relentless harridan, I expect I shall finish them all off! |
| Stewie Griffin | And you as well! |
| Lois Griffin | Brian, I’m a little worried about Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | Last night I woke up and he was channel surfing through static. |
| Brian Griffin | I’m sure he’ll find a way to cope. |
| Peter Griffin | Morning, Lois. |
| Brian Griffin | And you were worried. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what the hell is that? |
| Peter Griffin | It’s my favorite TV family, the Griffins. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, you’re scaring me. I’m beginning to think you’re losing your grip on reality. |
| Peter Griffin | Boring. I’ll go see what else is on. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter! Keep an eye on Stewie. |
| Brian Griffin | Don’t move! |
| Stewie Griffin | [Making ridiculous noises] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Screams] |
| Stewie Griffin | A little help? |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: It’s Glen Quagmire, the wacky next-door neighbor. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: What’s he up to this time? |
| Quagmire | QUAGMIRE: I’m going to work! |
| Peter Griffin | Him and his crazy get-rich-quick schemes. |
| Lois Griffin | We have to find your father, Chris. He’s not well. |
| Chris Griffin | I never knew anyone who went crazy before except my invisible friend Col. Schwartz! |
| Peter Griffin | I get all the channels on this thing. |
| Peter Griffin | Lifetime. |
| Peter Griffin | CBS. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, UPN. |
| Peter Griffin | All right. 90210. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad? |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, what are you doing at West Beverly? |
| Peter Griffin | They’re really reaching for guest stars in the 10th season. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, what are you doing? Get out of here! |
| Meg Griffin | I’m already a total outcast because of you! |
| Peter Griffin |
You’re just upset because you wrecked the cable transmitter. |
| Meg Griffin | I did not! Forget it. What good is a car if I have no friends? |
| Meg Griffin | I didn’t wreck TV! My dad did! |
| Man 1 | What? |
| Man 2 | What’d she say? |
| Man 3 | Peter Griffin ruined TV? |
| Woman 1 | And blamed his daughter? |
| Man 4 | That’s the lowest thing I’ve ever heard. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, take that thing off and come home. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois. You’re just in time for the exciting conclusion. |
| Peter Griffin | Looks like some boob’s about to get lynched. Let’s watch. |
| Crowd | There they are. |
| [Suspenseful instrumental music] | |
| Man | That’s the guy who ruined our cable. Let’s get him! |
| Lois Griffin | Stop! What is wrong with you people? |
| Lois Griffin | Okay, yes. My husband is responsible for knocking out TV. |
| Lois Griffin | But we should be thanking him. |
| Lois Griffin | He’s broken television’s hypnotic spell over us. |
| Lois Griffin | Now we can see the world for what it is a beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced. |
| Peter Griffin | Another chick flick. |
| Man 1 | She’s right. All the hours we’ve wasted on that damn idiot box. |
| Man 2 | I’m gonna paint my house! |
| Man 3 | I’ll build a ship in a bottle. |
| Old Man | I’m gonna push a hoop with a stick down a dirt road. |
| Lois Griffin | I’ll take you home, honey. |
| Peter Griffin | I can’t believe I let Meg take the blame. You were right, Lois. TV is evil. |
| Peter Griffin | I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long. |
| Charles Manson | If I haven’t seen it, it’s new to me. |
| Peter Griffin | You just went a little overboard. You need a little balance in your life. |
| Peter Griffin | There are other things to appreciate besides television. |
| Peter Griffin | You mean like this lamp? |
| Lois Griffin | Yeah. Okay. |
| Lois Griffin | The lamp gives us light. |
| Peter Griffin | I get it. |
| Lois Griffin | And your family gives you love. |
| Lois Griffin | You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me. |
| Peter Griffin | What could me and you do together? |
| Lois Griffin | [Naughty laugh] |
| Peter Griffin | Lois! You’ve got a sick mind! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I’m talking about making love. |
| Peter Griffin | I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money. |
| Peter Griffin | [Amorous giggling] |
| Peter Griffin | What a gorgeous day. Isn’t it a gorgeous day, Mr. Sun? |
| Sun | It’s always a nice day with two scoops of raisins, Peter. |
| [Car alarm blaring] | |
| Peter Griffin | Top of the morning, everybody. |
| Stewie Griffin | Excellent! |
| Stewie Griffin | Thus completes the penultimate adjustment to my weather control device! |
| Stewie Griffin | Victory is… Release me at once! |
| Peter Griffin | Your mother was right. It’d be a crime to sit around and wait for the TV. |
| Meg Griffin | Great. You can teach me how to drive. |
| Peter Griffin | There’ll be time to drive when you’re dead. |
| Peter Griffin | There’s a world out there waiting for us to grab it by the short hairs! |
| Meg Griffin | Damn! |
| Peter Griffin | Let’s go. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | I’m so tired. This morning’s fly-fishing really wore me out. |
| Chris Griffin | Wake up! You promised you’d get this hook out of my mouth. |
| Chris Griffin | [Screams] |
| Chris Griffin | Thank you. |
| Peter Griffin | Now, kids, your father’s just trying to spend time with his family. |
| Peter Griffin | Or kill us. I’m not sure which. |
| Tom Tucker | The Chinese sure like to spit, don’t they? |
| Tom Tucker | Diane, that last report was so good, I think you deserve a spanking. |
| Diane Simmons | I don’t think your wife would appreciate that. |
| Tom Tucker | That frigid old cow lives in Quahog. She can’t hear a word I’m saying. |
| Technician | Actually, we’re back on the air in Quahog. |
| Stewie Griffin | Thank God! |
| Stewie Griffin | Their puerile minds are once again distracted by that flickering box. |
| Stewie Griffin | Time to be bad! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, everyone. |
| Peter Griffin | We’re late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans. |
| Peter Griffin | You don’t join their party, they come get you. |
| Meg Griffin | But Dad, the TV’s back on. |
| Peter Griffin | What do you know? Okay, let’s go. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I’m thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family. |
| Lois Griffin | But we’re exhausted. |
| Lois Griffin | Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together? |
| Peter Griffin | We’re too busy living life to the fullest. Come on, let’s go. |
| Lois Griffin | I’m sick of life. |
| Brian Griffin | Yeah. My dogs are barking. |
| Peter Griffin | But I thought we were having fun. |
| Lois Griffin | We were. |
| Lois Griffin | But now it might be nice to watch other people have fun or get killed. |
| Lois Griffin | You know, whatever’s on. |
| Brian Griffin | Look, Peter. It’s your favorite show. |
| Captain Kirk | This is a dangerous mission. And it’s likely one of us will be killed. |
| Captain Kirk | The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey. |
| Ensign Rickey | Crap. |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | There’s only one show I want to see. It’s called Make Every Day Count, starring Peter Griffin as himself. |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, Peter. Don’t you miss TV just a little? |
| Lois Griffin | The familiar stories, the broadly drawn characters, the convenient plot turns that bring a character around at exactly the right moment? |
| William Shatner | Hi. I’m William Shatner. My car broke down on my way to give a speech on how TV keeps families together. |
| William Shatner | Would you like to hear it? |
| Peter Griffin | No, I don’t want to miss the all-you-can-eat schnitzel bar. |
| William Shatner | Wait a minute! I love schnitzel! |
| Peter Griffin | Come along. I bet you could squeeze into Lois’ lederhosen. |
| William Shatner | I’ll change in the car. |
| Meg Griffin | If I had a nickel for every time one of my parents walked out instead of teaching me how to drive, I’d be one rich little… |
| Lois Griffin | Let’s go, Meg. |
| [Sinister instrumental music] | |
| Stewie Griffin | Fare thee well, broccoli! |
| [Band playing German folk music] | |
| William Shatner | I don’t know. I can’t imagine choosing life over television. |
| Peter Griffin | I’m telling you, it’s great, Bill. |
| Peter Griffin | The only thing that would make this perfect day better is if my family was here. |
| William Shatner | My God! |
| William Shatner | It was sunny a moment ago, but now it’s pouring! |
| Peter Griffin | Let’s take off our shoes and run home barefoot! |
| William Shatner | Griffin, you’re a madman! Barefoot, you say? |
| Lois Griffin | This is not safe. |
| Lois Griffin | I’ll teach you how to drive some other time. Pull over. |
| Meg Griffin | Mom, I can’t even tell where “over” is. |
| William Shatner | [Giddy laughter] |
| William Shatner | You were right, Peter. I’ve never felt so alive. |
| Stewie Griffin | Victory is mine! |
| [Screams] | |
| Stewie Griffin | God damn it. |
| William Shatner | [Giddy laughter] |
| Lois Griffin | My God. |
| [Car colliding] | |
| Meg Griffin | My God. I hit William Shatner. |
| William Shatner | Light growing dimmer. Can’t breathe. Beam me up, God. |
| Ensign Ricky | I did not see that coming. |
| Meg Griffin | Daddy, I’m sorry I ran you over and killed Mr. Shatner. |
| Peter Griffin | Don’t worry. Once I’m out of this body cast, I’ll do enough living for me and Bill. |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, can’t we go back to the way things used to be? |
| Lois Griffin | There’s a big dent in that couch that nobody else can fill. |
| Peter Griffin | Haven’t you guys learned anything? |
| Lois Griffin | TV took over my life once. I’m never gonna let that happen again. |
| Lois Griffin | My God. |
| Lois Griffin | We’ve lost him. |
| Peter Griffin | If you help me out of here, I know a meadow where the blueberries are begging to be picked. |
| Nurse | Look, buddy. Just go in the pan. And don’t call me unless you’re flatlining. |
| Peter Griffin | Turn that TV off. Nurse? |
| Announcer | What would you do for a Klondike Bar? |
| Announcer | Would you stand on one leg? |
| Man | Sure. |
| Announcer | Would you act like a monkey? |
| Announcer | Would you kill a man? |
| [Gunshot] | |
| Meg Griffin | Daddy, now that I’ve finally passed my driver’s test can I still get a convertible? |
| Peter Griffin | No. But I’m proud of you for getting your license, sweetheart. |
| Lois Griffin | And I’m proud of you, Peter. You taught us all a valuable lesson. |
| Lois Griffin | It’s not what you do that defines the quality of your life it’s who you do it with, and your family… |
| Peter Griffin | Shhh…It’s on. |
| Lois Griffin | I know you don’t like broccoli, Stewie, but you’ll thank me when you grow up big and strong like your father. |
| Stewie Griffin | A compelling argument. You’ve swayed me, woman. |
| Stewie Griffin | That is good. I feel stronger already. |
| Brian Griffin | It’s good tasting and good for you. |
| Stewie Griffin | Nice try. |
| Brian Griffin | Quadruped. |
| Stewie Griffin | Mutant. |
| [Theme music] |
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