If I’m Dyin’, I’m Lyin’ Transcript
| Lois Griffin | [Singing] “It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | “is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | “But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | “on which we used to rely? |
| All | “Lucky there’s a family guy |
| All | “Lucky there’s a man who’ll positively tell you |
| All | “all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | “laugh ‘n’ cry |
| All | “He’s a family guy” |
| Lois Griffin | We need to talk. |
| Peter Griffin | Not now. The show’s about to start. |
| Announcer | Bryant Gumbel, Greg Gumbel brothers, bike cops. |
| Announcer | Gumbel 2 Gumbel, Beach Justice. |
| [Rock music playing] | |
| Bryant Gumbel | You talk to Matt Lauer lately? |
| Greg Gumbel | Played 18 holes with him on Saturday. |
| Greg Gumbel | Told him he was soft in the Arafat interview. |
| Bryant Gumbel | Oh, I like Matt. |
| Greg Gumbel | Me, too. |
| [Woman screams] | |
| Woman | My purse! |
| Bryant Gumbel | Come on, Greg. Let’s roll. |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] | |
| [People screaming] | |
| [People screaming] | |
| Greg Gumbel | Taste that? That’s the taste of beach justice. |
| Peter Griffin | Are you crazy? |
| Chris Griffin | Yeah, me and Dad haven’t missed a Gumbel 2 Gumbel yet. |
| Lois Griffin | You’re gonna miss this one, young man. |
| Lois Griffin | His report card came today. |
| Lois Griffin | No more TV until your grades improve. |
| Lois Griffin | Now get upstairs and study. |
| Peter Griffin | Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her. |
| Peter Griffin | After I get a little bit of courage from my old friend, Mr. Jack Daniels. |
| Peter Griffin | Mrs. Daniels? |
| Peter Griffin | Is Jack in? |
| Peter Griffin | What? |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! When? |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, I am so sorry. |
| Peter Griffin | Poor old Jack. |
| Peter Griffin | He was a wise man, but he just loved playing with that wheat thresher. |
| Peter Griffin | Always playing with that wheat thresher! |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, hold still and let me bathe you. You’re filthy. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’m filthy? |
| Stewie Griffin | You’re the filthy one. What do you say to that? |
| Stewie Griffin | How dare you! |
| Lois Griffin | [Sighs] |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Stewie, I see your bum. |
| Stewie Griffin | Take a good look, fat man. |
| Stewie Griffin | And take pictures so I’ll have something to bring to court, you filthy pervert. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV? |
| Peter Griffin | He failed a class, it’s not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that Thanksgiving when I was 19. |
| Lois Griffin | I want you to help Chris. |
| Lois Griffin | Kids do better when parents take an interest in their schoolwork. |
| Lois Griffin | I saw that on a two-part report on Dateline Tuesday and Dateline Gatilsday. |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell is Gatilsday? |
| Lois Griffin | NBC invented a new day so they could add another Dateline. |
| Peter Griffin | But the Gumbel show is sacred to us. |
| Peter Griffin | Bryant and Greg have the kind of father-son relationship I want me and Chris to have someday. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, Bryant and Greg Gumbel are brothers. |
| Peter Griffin | Nice. Just because they’re black, we can’t learn anything from them? |
| Lois Griffin | If Chris gets his homework done, you can watch it together next week. |
| Lois Griffin | Now come on. Help me get the house ready for my mother. |
| Lois Griffin | She’s coming to visit for exactly one week. |
| Lois Griffin | Bye, Mom. |
| Peter Griffin | Sheesh. What a week that was. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, come on, let’s watch the Gumbels. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I thought we agreed, no TV until his homework is done. |
| Chris Griffin | Mom, I’ll do it after… |
| Peter Griffin | Chris finished his homework. |
| Peter Griffin | In fact, I’ve been helping him study every night this week. |
| Lois Griffin | Really? |
| Lois Griffin | Well, that’s great. Enjoy your show, boys. |
| Peter Griffin | You bet we will. |
| Peter Griffin | Tonight, Katie Couric guest stars as a very perky crack whore. |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, when you said, “Chris finished his homework,” were you talking about me? |
| Chris Griffin | Because if you were, I think you just lied to mom. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, everything I say is a lie, except that and that. |
| Peter Griffin | And that. And that. And that. And that. |
| Peter Griffin | And that. |
| Tom Tucker | This is an Action News 5 News Break. |
| Tom Tucker | I’m Tom Tucker. |
| Diane Simmons | And I’m Diane Simmons. |
| Diane Simmons | Tom has dared me to do the news topless. |
| Diane Simmons | I’ve got the goods, but have I got the guts? Find out at 11:00. |
| Diane Simmons | If you’re waiting for Gumbel 2 Gumbel, you’re out of luck. |
| Diane Simmons | That show has been canceled. |
| Tom Tucker | The full story, and maybe Diane’s boobs, tonight at 11:00. |
| Peter Griffin | I can’t believe this! |
| Chris Griffin | I feel sick. |
| Peter Griffin | Only one thing to do. |
| Peter Griffin | We gotta save Gumbel 2 Gumbel, and were gonna do it Griffin 2 Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | Let’s roll! |
| Chris Griffin | I’m with ya, Dad. |
| Chris Griffin | What do we do, write a letter? |
| Peter Griffin | I tried that once. It got me in a lot of trouble. |
| Peter Griffin | “If you don’t put Coach back on the air, I’ll be really upset. |
| Peter Griffin | “The skillful acting of Craig T. Nelson will be missed a lot. |
| Peter Griffin | “Signed, Peter Griffin.” |
| Lois Griffin | Come help me with the groceries. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, honey. |
| [Ominous instrumental music] | |
| [Doorbell rings] | |
| Peter Griffin | Craig T. Nelson! |
| Craig T. Nelson | Are you Peter Griffin? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. |
| Craig T. Nelson | Make it quick. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, we’re gonna get our show back on the air and were not gonna be intimidated by any slick executive types. |
| Peter Griffin | Look at Mr. Suave. |
| Receptionist | Wait. You can’t go in there. |
| Peter Griffin | Just watch me! |
| Receptionist | I mean, you can’t go in there, because that door leads nowhere. |
| Receptionist | Use the door next to it. |
| Peter Griffin | All right, Callaghan, me and my son want you to uncancel Gumbel 2 Gumbel. |
| Mr. Callaghan | We only air the show. We have nothing to do with it being canceled. |
| Mr. Callaghan | I have all the episodes on tape if you want to borrow them. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, you want to play rough? |
| Peter Griffin | Until you bring the Gumbels back, I am going on a hunger strike. |
| Peter Griffin | How about that, Callaghan? |
| Peter Griffin | Can you live with that on your conscience? |
| Peter Griffin | You gonna eat that stapler? |
| Mr. Callaghan | You can’t eat a stapler… |
| Peter Griffin | Wanna split it? |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry. Me and my damn appetite! |
| Peter Griffin | It’s not the first time it brought me trouble. |
| [Chip crunches] | |
| [Exciting music plays on TV] | |
| Tom Tucker | And in gridiron news, little Johnny Gobraun a terminally ill 8-year-old who dreamed of playing quarterback for New England got his wish today thanks to the Grant-a-Dream foundation. |
| Announcer | Gobraun takes the snap and fades back to pass. |
| Announcer | Here comes the rush. Oh, he’s sacked! |
| [Playful instrumental music] |
|
| Announcers | [Laughing] |
| Announcer 2 | Looks like little Johnny should’ve wished for some blocking. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, I just thought of a way to get the Gumbels back on the air. |
| Chris Griffin | All right, Dad! |
| Peter Griffin | All we gotta do is tell a little white lie. Just go with it. |
| Peter Griffin | Is this the Grant-a-Dream foundation? |
| Peter Griffin | My son Chris is dying! |
| Chris Griffin | Holy crap, no! Oh, my God! |
| Peter Griffin | That was the lie. |
| Chris Griffin | Oh, you sly boots. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Chris Griffin | Are you sure this will work? |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, this is just another one of your crazy schemes. |
| Chris Griffin | This whole thing was your idea! |
| Peter Griffin | You’ll find out. |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, you’re not making any sense! |
| Peter Griffin | You just leave that to me. |
| Harris | Ah, yes. Here we go. |
| Harris | Chris Griffin. |
| Harris | Your dying wish is denied. |
| Harris | Thank you. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a minute. My son only has a short time to live. |
| Peter Griffin | All he wants is his favorite show back on TV. How can you say no? |
| Harris | Mr. Griffin, everyone thinks their dying child is special. |
| Harris | But these days, people who donate money to our foundation demand a little more bang for their buck. |
| Harris | We need sick kids we can package. |
| Harris | Like that one we put on Hollywood Squares. |
| Man | I’ll take the dying boy to block. |
| Host | Jeremy, is there anything lower than absolute zero? |
| Jeremy | Yeah. My white-cell count. |
| [Audience laughing] | |
| Peter Griffin | I’m telling you, Chris is dying ten times worse than those other kids. |
| Peter Griffin | He’s got a very rare disease called tumor-syphilis-itis-osis. |
| Harris | Sounds sexy. What are the symptoms? |
| Peter Griffin | What are the symptoms? Take a look! |
| Peter Griffin | He’s growing nipples all over his body! |
| Harris | They look like pepperonis. |
| Peter Griffin | Who do you think you are? |
| Peter Griffin | My son happens to be very sensitive about his extra nipples. |
| Peter Griffin | See, look. They’re coming right off. |
| Peter Griffin | Nipples shouldn’t just come off like that. |
| Harris | Why, that’s the sickest boy I’ve ever seen! |
| Harris | Get me the president of television! |
| [Spectacular instrumental music] | |
| Man 1 | How about this? |
| Man 1 | A single white girl in the city working at a magazine! |
| Man 2 | Yeah, that’s good. MAN |
| Man 3 | Yeah. |
| Man 4 | Do you guys hear yourselves? |
| Man 4 | This is the same old crap over and over again. |
| Man 4 | We need to take a chance. Try something different. Something fresh. |
| Receptionist | Excuse me. |
| Executive | No calls! |
| Receptionist | It’s about a dying boy. |
| Executive | Hello? What’s he got? |
| Executive | Sounds sexy. |
| Executive | Get me exclusive rights to his death and you got a deal. |
| Harris | Congratulations, Gumbel 2 Gumbel is back on the air! |
| Chris Griffin | All right, Dad! |
| Harris | I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances. |
| Peter Griffin | Are you kidding? I may see you again. |
| Peter Griffin | I’ve two more kids, and I’ve always wanted to see new episodes of Star Trek. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie, it’s bath time. You’re filthy again. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ll show you filthy! |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, look at me! I’m a dirty, foul little boy! |
| Stewie Griffin | I’m a nasty, squalid little hobo! |
| Stewie Griffin | I say, Mother, you have your work cut out for you now, don’t you? |
| Lois Griffin | Okay, if you want to be dirty, be dirty. |
| Stewie Griffin | Where do you think you’re going? I’ve defiled myself. |
| Stewie Griffin | I need to be cleaned! |
| Peter Griffin | There you go, kiddo. All clean. |
| Stewie Griffin | Blast! I’m frozen! I’m hypothermic! |
| Stewie Griffin | Bloody hell, I’m a woman! |
| Mr. McCloud | Take out your pencils and start your test. |
| Chris Griffin | Mr. McCloud, I didn’t study for the test, but I got a good reason. |
| Chris Griffin | I’m dying. |
| Mr. McCloud | That’s the lamest excuse I’ve heard since Steinberg’s Jewish High Holiday crap. |
| Mr. McCloud | Take that hat off in my classroom! |
| Chris Griffin | But Mr. McCloud, I’m really dying. |
| Chris Griffin | I have a certificate to prove it. |
| Mr. McCloud | My God! Tumor-syphilis-itis-osis! And he still comes into school! |
| Mr. McCloud | You’re excused from the test, you brave, brave boy. |
| Mr. McCloud | You can learn something from this fine young… |
| Mr. McCloud | Damn it, Steinberg! Take that hat off! |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, Marcy Gibbons just called! |
| Meg Griffin | [Crying] She heard that Chris is dying! |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Your brother’s okay. |
| Peter Griffin | That was just a little white lie we came up with to save a TV show. |
| Meg Griffin | So he’s not going to die? |
| Peter Griffin | No. |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Boy, your face was priceless when you thought he was. |
| Peter Griffin | [Pretending to cry] |
| Brian Griffin | You’re a monster. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris was in on the whole thing. |
| Peter Griffin | Anyway, it’s over and done with. |
| [Guitar playing folk music] | |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell is that? |
| Singers | “Oh, dyin’ boy of Quahog |
| Singers | “Chris Griffin, you’re so brave |
| Singers | “There’s a smile on your face and a bounce in your step |
| Singers | “as they dig your grave |
| Singers | “as they dig your grave” |
| Lois Griffin | Do I hear singing? |
| Peter Griffin | No! No singing. |
| Peter Griffin | Just us watching another hilarious episode of Good Times. |
| Peter Griffin | The sitcom that’s funnier when you play it really loud. |
| ? | Maxine is the lady who’s feeling all right thanks to the magic of Kid Dynomite! |
| [Audience laughing on TV] | |
| ? | Junior, where you been? |
| ? | Dinner was three hours ago! |
| ? | Oh, forget him, James. |
| ? | He’s an idiot! |
| ? | Mama, what’s wrong with you? |
| ? | What’s wrong with me? |
| ? | My name is Florida! |
| ? | Florida! That’s the name of a state! |
| ? | Why is my name Florida? |
| ? | [Crying] Oh, Lord! |
| ? | Dynomite! |
| Lois Griffin | That is singing. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, there’s a candlelight vigil on our front lawn. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, that’s ridiculous. There’s nobody out there. |
| Peter Griffin | You must be seeing things. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, why are these people here? |
| Chris Griffin | [Singing] “As they dig my grave, as they dig my grave” |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, Dad, they’re singing a song about me! |
| Chris Griffin | Hi, Mom. |
| [Doorbell rings] | |
| Harris | Hello, Mr. Griffin. |
| Harris | We just came by to see if your son’s taken a media-friendly turn for the worse. |
| Peter Griffin | No. Everything’s fine. Thanks for checking. Bye-bye. |
| Harris | Mr. Griffin, the foundation held up its end of the bargain and got that crappy Gumbel show back on the air! |
| Harris | You owe us a body! |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Peter Griffin | Excuse me for a minute. |
| Lois Griffin | You pretended Chris was dying to save a TV show? |
| Lois Griffin | You’re a monster! |
| Brian Griffin | Thank you. |
| Lois Griffin | You tell that man the truth! |
| Peter Griffin | Just out of curiosity… |
| Harris | Shoot. |
| Peter Griffin | What happens if he’s not really dying? |
| Harris | You go to jail for defrauding a charitable organization. |
| Peter Griffin | That’s interesting. |
| Peter Griffin | Will you excuse us? |
| Peter Griffin | You’re right! There’s only one way out of this! |
| Peter Griffin | Chris is all better! I cured him! |
| Harris | You cured him? |
| Peter Griffin | That’s right. I have divine powers! |
| Peter Griffin | Okay. Safe drive. |
| Peter Griffin | What do you have to say to that? |
| Peter Griffin | I’m not going to jail, Chris doesn’t have to die and best of all, Gumbel 2 Gumbel is back on the air. |
| Lois Griffin | You’re a great role model. |
| Lois Griffin | What kind of man devalues the life of his child for a TV show? |
| Peter Griffin | Anyone who wouldn’t pretend their own son is dying to get the Gumbels back on TV is a racist. |
| Peter Griffin | There, I said it. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Woman | It’s him! It’s Peter Griffin! The miracle healer of Quahog! |
| Woman | Heal me, O great one! |
| Lois Griffin | You see what your lies have done? They think you’re some kind of healer. |
| Peter Griffin | I’ll handle it. |
| Peter Griffin | I read a book about this sort of thing once. |
| Brian Griffin | Are you sure it was a book? |
| Brian Griffin | Are you sure it wasn’t nothing? |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, yeah. |
| Lois Griffin | These poor, deluded people think you have divine powers. |
| Man | Praise Peter! |
| Man | We are your servants. |
| Man 2 | It’s a miracle! |
| Man 2 | What would you have us do, O great healer of Quahog? |
| Peter Griffin | There’s really no need to do anything. Paint my house. |
| Lois Griffin | It’s bad enough to lie to your family but how can you let these people think you’re a healer? |
| Lois Griffin | This is pure exploitation. |
| Peter Griffin | No, it’s not. |
| Peter Griffin | Those films my cousin Rufus used to do were pure exploitation. |
| Announcer | From the cats who brought you Caddyblack, Blackdraft and Black Kramer v. Kramer, comes a funky flick so bad you gonna say, “Damn, that’s funky.” |
| [Funk music playing] | |
| Rufus Griffin | Oh, you out of time, baby. |
| Rufus Griffin | Damn! |
| Announcer | Rufus Griffin stars in Black to the Future. |
| Rufus Griffin | We’re talking Marty McSuperfly, dig? |
| Woman | Marty, I want to be your fine, sweet-ass bitch. |
| Man | Damn! Brother done kissed his mama! |
| [Playing funk music] | |
| Announcer | Oh, yeah. |
| Man | Get me Isaac Hayes. |
| Man | Isaac, you know that new sound you been looking for? |
| Man | Well, listen to this! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Lois. Stop being such a stick in the mud. |
| Peter Griffin | I’m giving these saps hope. |
| Peter Griffin | And I’m getting the house painted for free. |
| Peter Griffin | It’s win-freakin’-win, baby. |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, flathead, chop-chop. |
| Man | [Exclaiming] |
| Man 2 | [Sighing] |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, great job on the lawn. |
| Peter Griffin | Now do it again, and this time leave it a little longer. |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, Dad. Hurry up. You’re missing Gumbel 2 Gumbel. |
| Chris Griffin | They caught the guy, and now they’re interviewing him. |
| Bryant Gumbel | Purse snatching, society’s fault, or one man’s cry for help? |
| Robber | What are you talking about? I wanted her freakin’ money. |
| Bryant Gumbel | [Bryant grunting] |
| Robber | What the hell’s wrong with him? |
| Bryant Gumbel | [Bryant grunting] |
| Peter Griffin | Some other time, Chris. Now, where’s my shoes? |
| [Sighing] | |
| Lois Griffin | These people are worshipping you. |
| Lois Griffin | Don’t you think there’s someone who might resent that? |
| Lois Griffin | A being who’s all-knowing and all-powerful? |
| Peter Griffin | Someone’s got a pretty high opinion of herself. |
| Lois Griffin | Not me, Peter. God. The real God. |
| Peter Griffin | What’s the big deal? |
| Peter Griffin | So I told a little fib, and now people think I’m God. |
| Peter Griffin | When did God ever say He didn’t want someone else being worshipped like Him? |
| Lois Griffin | It’s one of the Ten Commandments. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on. Those were written, like, 200 years ago. Times have changed! |
| Lois Griffin | [Lois screams] |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, let’s stay calm. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, if you’re scared, I’ll hold you until the lights are on again. |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, it’s me. |
| Peter Griffin | Go to your room. |
| Lois Griffin | That’s the last of them. |
| Lois Griffin | I still don’t know how every light bulb could go out at the same time. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God. |
| Peter Griffin | Yes? |
| Lois Griffin | That’s not funny. |
| Lois Griffin | Those fanatics are building a golden idol of you on our lawn. |
| Peter Griffin | I look like a freakin’ Emmy. |
| Peter Griffin | Hint-hint. |
| Brian Griffin | Damn it to hell! |
| Brian Griffin | This is embarrassing. I seem to have fleas. |
| Brian Griffin | That’s never happened before. |
| Chris Griffin | Morning. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, puberty hit you like a ton of bricks. |
| Chris Griffin | What do you mean? |
| Lois Griffin | Don’t you see what’s happening? |
| Peter Griffin | Of course I do, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Our fresh-faced little boy is becoming a pock-marked hideously disfigured man. Sunrise. Sunset. |
| Lois Griffin | No. The light bulbs last night, my fleas, Chris’ pimples. |
| Lois Griffin | They’re just like darkness, gadflies, and boils. |
| Lois Griffin | Three of the plagues God visited upon Egypt in the Old Testament. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, there’s a logical explanation for all those things. |
| Peter Griffin | There was a power surge, you don’t bathe and Chris has had acne problems since the fourth grade. |
| Peter Griffin | The kids were all calling him Crisco and Pizza Face and Rootin’-Tootin’ Raspberry. Remember, Chris? |
| Chris Griffin | Now I do. |
| Chris Griffin | [Crying] |
| Meg Griffin | [Meg screams] |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, what’s wrong? |
| Meg Griffin | I was giving Stewie a bath, and… |
| Peter Griffin | Trust me, Meg, at his age, it’s strictly involuntary. |
| Meg Griffin | No! The water, it turned all red and goopy, like blood! |
| Lois Griffin | Blood? |
| Stewie Griffin | How positively delightful. It’s as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble! |
| Lois Griffin | My baby! |
| Lois Griffin | Get out there and tell those people the truth. |
| Lois Griffin | Make them stop worshipping you before it starts hailing in my house! |
| Peter Griffin | There’s gotta be an explanation for all this! |
| Brian Griffin | You want an explanation? God is pissed! |
| Lois Griffin | Let’s get out of here! |
| [Eerie instrumental music] | |
| [Sinister instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | Stop it! Stop worshipping me! |
| Peter Griffin | I’m just a big fake like the moon landing and Marky Mark’s hog in Boogie Nights and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman! |
| Peter Griffin | I don’t mean that completely untrue gay rumor. |
| Peter Griffin | They’re just both really phony, just like me. |
| Peter Griffin | I’m sorry, okay? Now make it stop. |
| [AII screaming] | |
| Brian Griffin | This is the final plague! |
| Peter Griffin | Good, it’s starting to get really old. |
| Brian Griffin | The final plague is the death of the first-born son. |
| Peter Griffin | No! Stewie! |
| Brian Griffin | The first-born son. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg. |
| Brian Griffin | Your wife. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God. Are you okay? |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, Dad, I can see a white light at the end of a long tunnel. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, that’s great, son. Light is good. Run towards the light. |
| Lois Griffin | No! Run away from the light! |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, Dad, do you think they got Gumbel 2 Gumbel in heaven? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes, son, and there’s no reruns or commercials and Kirstie Alley is still hot and all those scrambled channels come in clear as a bell. |
| Peter Griffin | Please don’t take him, God. I’m sorry. |
| Man | We think the Griffin guy gets it. |
| God | Good, good. Peggy, turn off the plagues, please. |
| Peggy | Yes, sir, Mr. Patterson. |
| God | She’s new. |
| [Awe-inspiring instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | I think the plagues went away. |
| Chris Griffin | So did the white light. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, honey! |
| Peter Griffin | Thank God! I mean, thank me! |
| Peter Griffin | Kidding! It was a joke! |
| [Frog croaking] | |
| [Theme music] |
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