Love Thy Trophy Transcript
| Diane Simmons | Good evening. I’m Diane Simmons. |
| Diane Simmons | A stunning development tonight as O.J. Simpson is proven innocent. |
| Diane Simmons | We have the identity of the real killer. But first… |
| Tom Tucker | It’s fall. The time of year when the leaves turn a pretty, purpley orange and Quahog prepares for its annual Harvest Festival Parade. |
| Tom Tucker | Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa joins us live from the ceremony where they are choosing this year’s theme. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Diane, behind me are 1,000 beautiful doves. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Gently tied to each of their delicate legs is a parade theme suggested by ordinary citizens of Quahog. |
| Trishia Takanawa | And here to pick this year’s winning theme is Ten Commandments star, Charlton Heston. |
| Charlton Heston | Let my pigeons go! |
| [Wings flapping] | |
| [Gun loading] | |
| Trishia Takanawa | He nailed one! We have our theme! |
| Cleveland | I submitted “togetherness.” A simple theme. |
| Cleveland | But powerful, nonetheless. |
| Joe Swanson | Come on, “overcoming adversity”! Let’s go, “overcoming adversity”! |
| Joe Swanson | Show me “women I gave the clap to”! |
| Trishia Takanawa | And the Harvest Festival Parade theme is: |
| Trishia Takanawa | “The episode of Who’s the Boss?… |
| Trishia Takanawa | “…where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower.” |
| Peter Griffin | Yes! That’s mine! Un-freaking-believable! |
| [Cheering] | |
| Stewie Griffin | Clumsy oaf! Michael Flatley must be turning over in his grave. |
| Stewie Griffin | Wait a minute. He’s not dead yet. |
| Stewie Griffin | “Michael Flatley.” |
| Lois Griffin | It’s great they picked your theme, but isn’t it a little esoteric? |
| Man 1 | Esoteric? |
| Man 2 | Could it mean “sexy”? |
| Man 3 | I think it’s a science term. |
| Man 4 | Fellas, esoteric means “delicious.” |
| Peter Griffin | Who’s the Boss? is not a food. |
| Brian Griffin | Swing and a miss. |
| Lois Griffin | [Singing] “It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | “is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | “But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | “on which we used to rely? |
| All | “Lucky there’s a family guy |
| All | “Lucky there’s a man who’ll positively tell you |
| All | “all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | “laugh ‘n’ cry |
| All | “He’s a family guy” |
| Meg Griffin | I have no friends, and it’s all because of this stupid purse! |
| Peter Griffin | What did you do to my daughter? I swear to God, if you touched her… |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, what happened? |
| Meg Griffin | It was lunchtime and… |
| ? | I love the color of your Prada bag. |
| ? | Yeah, but yours has that great clasp. |
| ? | Hey, Meg, you want to come to lunch? |
| Meg Griffin | You know what? There’s no room in my car for your big, ugly purse. |
| [Girls laughing] | |
| Mrs. Canner | Meg, let me tell you about popularity. |
| Girl | GIRL #1: Mrs. Canner? Are you coming? |
| Mrs. Canner | Bye! |
| Meg Griffin | Daddy, if you really loved me, you’d buy me a Prada bag. |
| Peter Griffin | I can’t say no to you, honey. What are they, like, $10? |
| Meg Griffin | More like $1,100. |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | You wish I loved you that much! |
| Meg Griffin | [Sighs] |
| Peter Griffin | We’ll never finish the float in time for the parade. |
| Peter Griffin | Pick up the pace, guys! |
| Joe Swanson | Peter, your theme is a dud. |
| Quagmire | Yeah. I’ve never even seen Who’s the Boss? |
| Quagmire | Tuesdays in the ’80s I was always in bed by 8:00 and home by 11:00. |
| Peter Griffin | But I can’t do it without you guys, because I’ll tell you who’s the boss. |
| Peter Griffin | It’s not Tony or Angela. |
| Peter Griffin | It’s not even man-crazy Mona. It’s all of us. |
| Peter Griffin | You’re the boss because you never give up, like with the ladies. |
| Quagmire | Gemini. |
| Quagmire | Capricorn. |
| Quagmire | I know you’re not a Virgo! |
| Quagmire | From down here, you look like a Pisces! |
| Peter Griffin | And Cleveland, you’re the boss because of your attention to detail. |
| Peter Griffin | Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shots I just want to crack you with a cue stick. |
| Peter Griffin | But I don’t because that would be a hate crime, and I love you. |
| Peter Griffin | And Joe, I’ve had new neighbors before, but none were half the man you are. |
| Peter Griffin | Since you’re half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can’t even measure. |
| Joe Swanson | He’s right. If we work together, we can win this thing. Who’s in? |
| All | Go, Spooner Street! |
| [Heroic instrumental music] | |
| Kevin Swanson | My dad always says, “Measure twice, cut once.” |
| Cleveland Jr. | My daddy always said, “Cleveland Jr., quit jumping on the bed!” |
| Cleveland Jr. | [Laughing] |
| Kevin Swanson | We didn’t measure! |
| Brian Griffin | Amazing. The whole neighborhood is working together. |
| Peter Griffin | You know what’s really amazing? |
| Peter Griffin | I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days, and no one has said a thing. |
| Meg Griffin | If I had a job, I could buy the bag myself. |
| Stewie Griffin | I have squandered my munitions budget on that insipid Rugrats video! |
| Stewie Griffin | Perhaps I should seek employment. |
| Stewie Griffin | Mother teaches piano. I suppose I could as well. |
| Stewie Griffin | All right, try it again, Richard. |
| Stewie Griffin | And remember, the wrong keys are electrified. |
| [Electric shock] | |
| Richard | I don’t want to play the piano! |
| Stewie Griffin | Indeed. Would you rather play the bassoon? |
| Girl | [Playing bassoon] |
| Girl | [Screams] |
| Flappy | No experience? No, thanks. |
| Flappy | [Sighs] |
| [Whispering] | |
| Flappy | Oh, nuts. Young lady. |
| Flappy | What’s the little guy’s name? |
| Meg Griffin | What do you care? |
| Flappy | I can’t send an unwed teenage mother out on the street without a job. |
| Meg Griffin | Stewie. My son’s name is Stewie. |
| Diane Simmons | DIANE: Welcome to the 83rd annual Quahog Harvest Festival Parade. |
| Diane Simmons | Are you as excited as I am, Tom? |
| Tom Tucker | Are you kidding, Diane? I’ve got wood and clipped onto it is a list of this year’s float entries. |
| Tom Tucker | Remember, the float that best captures this year’s theme wins Quahog’s coveted Golden Clam. |
| Tom Tucker | And here’s our first float. |
| Diane Simmons | DIANE: It looks like some wires got crossed on Clover Street. |
| Diane Simmons | That’s not Angela. That’s Mona, Angela’s mom. |
| Tom Tucker | TOM: Wonderful use of tree bark for the age spots though. |
| Tom Tucker | This one’s got Tony bathing Jonathan. That’s just plain wrong. |
| Diane Simmons | Each float possesses its own unique charm. But none of them… |
| Diane Simmons | Oh, baby! Look at that! |
| Peter Griffin | The float turned out great. |
| Peter Griffin | Our neighborhood hasn’t been this united since Quagmire got us free cable. |
| Cleveland | We are not bad people. |
| Cleveland | We just don’t want to pay $12 a month for Cinemax. |
| ? | First place goes to Spooner Street. |
| [Cheering] | |
| All | We won! All right! |
| All | [Uncomfortable laughter] |
| Cleveland | Come on now! This is damn foolish! |
| Peter Griffin | My theme, my trophy! |
| Quagmire | My aunt Fanny! You said it yourself! I’m the boss! |
| Cleveland | He said I, too, was the boss. And it’s time Cleveland got his due. |
| Bonnie Swanson | Joe, my feet are starting to swell. |
| Joe Swanson | You two go home. I can stay here as long as it takes. |
| Joe Swanson | You’d be amazed how little one eats when your legs don’t work. |
| Peter Griffin | There’s only one way to settle this. |
| Peter Griffin | Russian Roulette. |
| Peter Griffin | Three bullets, last guy standing keeps the trophy. Me first. |
| Peter Griffin | No. Wait a minute, this is crazy. |
| Peter Griffin | You first. |
| Lois Griffin | There’s gotta be a way for you all to enjoy the trophy. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a minute! I got it! No, lost it. There it is again! |
| Lois Griffin | Perfect, Peter. Now we can all enjoy it. |
| [Muttering approval] | |
| Peter Griffin | Here’s to togetherness! |
| Peter Griffin | Car! Car! Car! |
| [Car approaching] | |
| Flappy | Meg, order up! |
| Waitress | Here you go, hon. From Flappy himself. |
| Stewie Griffin | I don’t care if they’re from Kubla filthy-wretched Khan! |
| Waitress | Try them. You’ll like them. |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, well, I rather doubt that. |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes! These are delectable. |
| Stewie Griffin | Flappy, good news! I’ve decided not to kill you! |
| Woman | What a precious little boy. |
| Meg Griffin | That’s my son. |
| Woman | Your son? But you’re just a baby yourself. |
| Woman | Henry, give the little skank a nice tip. |
| Meg Griffin | $20! |
| Meg Griffin | Welcome to Flappy’s. |
| Meg Griffin | Why don’t you sit next to my baby whose deadbeat dad doesn’t pay child support. |
| Stewie Griffin | [Belching] |
| Peter Griffin | [Horrified scream] |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] | |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what is it? |
| Cleveland | What’s going on out here? |
| Joe Swanson | Clear the way! I’m a cop! |
| Joe Swanson | Oh, my God! I thought the safety was on. I’m so sorry. |
| Charlton Heston | That’s okay, son. It’s your right as an American citizen. |
| Charlton Heston | [Screaming] |
| Quagmire | What’s all the noise? I was just jerk-ed out of a sound sleep. |
| Cleveland | Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our Golden Clam? |
| Quagmire | Maybe it fell. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. Right into someone’s pocket. |
| Bonnie Swanson | You think one of us stole it? |
| Peter Griffin | I never said the word “stole.” Looks like someone has a guilty conscience. |
| Joe Swanson | Guilty conscience! |
| Joe Swanson | I’m the only guy on this block who actually pays for his cable. |
| Cleveland | Pretty high and mighty for a man who left our nation’s flag out in the rain last Fourth of July. That’s against the law, Officer! |
| [Gasping] | |
| Quagmire | You’re one to talk. |
| Quagmire | Out there every trash day picking through my garbage. |
| Quagmire | That’s an invasion of my privacy. |
| [Gasping] | |
| Loretta | He’s sorting your recycling because he loves our Mother Earth. |
| Loretta | If you weren’t so busy trolling for booty all the damned time you could do it yourself, like the law says you should. |
| [Gasping] | |
| Peter Griffin | It’s on now! |
| Joe Swanson | Wait a second! What about Peter? |
| Joe Swanson | He’s the one who wanted the trophy all along! |
| Peter Griffin | I couldn’t have stolen it. |
| Peter Griffin | Last night I was stealing Joe’s ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight. |
| Peter Griffin | What? It’s a ladder. He can’t use it. It’s like taking a watch off a dead guy. |
| Bonnie Swanson | Those Griffins always were oddballs, Joe. Real oddballs. |
| Bonnie Swanson | I don’t trust them. |
| Lois Griffin | I saw them taking coupons out of our mailbox. |
| Quagmire | I don’t like the look of her! |
| Host | I offer you a recipe. |
| Host | Combine one small-town neighborhood with a dash of missing trophy and what you’re left with is a gumbo fit only for a madman. |
| Host | A gumbo served almost exclusively in The… |
| Peter Griffin | Who the hell is that? I bet he took it! |
| Joe Swanson | Where are you going, Serling? Want some of this? |
| Quagmire | Come back here! |
| Meg Griffin | I’m off to work. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, honey. |
| Peter Griffin | One of our neighbors took that trophy, and I’ll find out who. |
| Meg Griffin | I’m taking Stewie with me again. |
| Lois Griffin | Fine, sweetie. |
| Lois Griffin | This whole thing just makes me sick! |
| Peter Griffin | We played Pictionary with them! |
| Lois Griffin | Bastards! |
| Stewie Griffin | Giddy-up, you stubby little mare! To the pancake house! |
| Meg Griffin | Well, bye. |
| Lois Griffin | And to think they used to be our best friends! |
| Peter Griffin | That was then and this is now! |
| Peter Griffin | And this is a chair. That’s a lamp. You have boobies. I’ll find that trophy! |
| Joe Swanson | To be honest, Peter, we were all a little surprised you invited us over. |
| Peter Griffin | We realized our friendship is a lot more important than some stupid trophy. |
| [Kettle whistling] | |
| Peter Griffin | There’s the tea. I’ll get it, Lois. Two sugars, right, Bonnie? [forced laughter] |
| [Suspenseful instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | Damn, it’s not here! |
| [Suspenseful instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | Not here either. |
| [Footsteps] | |
| [Suspenseful instrumental music] | |
| ['60s lounge music on stereo] | |
| Peter Griffin | Nothing. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God! We were robbed! |
| Peter Griffin | Is anything missing? |
| Lois Griffin | No. I don’t think so. |
| Lois Griffin | Where’s that picture of me in my two-piece? |
| Chris Griffin | Should I call the cops? |
| Peter Griffin | I’m guessing a cop had something to do with this. |
| Peter Griffin | Or a pilot. Or a deli owner. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, you dirtbags! |
| Peter Griffin | This means war! |
| Lois Griffin | Excuse us. We’re having a small problem with home security. |
| Peter Griffin | Do you have those round metal things that you bury in the ground and, when stepped on, they explode? |
| Clerk | Land mines? |
| Peter & Lois | Land mines. |
| Peter Griffin | It was land mines. |
| Peter Griffin | Quagmire. |
| Quagmire | Peter. |
| Joe Swanson | Cleveland. |
| Cleveland | Joe. |
| Lois Griffin | Bonnie. |
| Bonnie Swanson | Lois. |
| Quagmire | Cleveland. |
| Joe Swanson | Lois. |
| Cleveland | Bonnie. |
| Lois Griffin | Quagmire. |
| Bonnie Swanson | Peter. |
| Loretta | [Clears throat] |
| Cleveland | Loretta. |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | That ought to slow them down. |
| Meg Griffin | Being a single mother is hard. |
| Meg Griffin | The real challenge is having a baby that’s addicted to crack. |
| Meg Griffin | Right, Stewie? |
| Stewie Griffin | What’s that? Yes. I love crack. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’m absolutely coo-coo for crack! |
| Meg Griffin | This is the first time he’s eaten something other than dog food in three weeks. |
| Meg Griffin | Here’s your check. God bless. |
| Sandy Balfour | Here, Honey. |
| Stewie Griffin | What’s this? Blueberries? |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, my… |
| Stewie Griffin | That’s better than sex! |
| Sandy Balfour | And could I get that waitress’ address? I’d like to help her baby. |
| Lois Griffin | What are they up to? |
| Peter Griffin | Cleveland and Quagmire are holding their positions but I haven’t seen Joe all day. |
| Joe Swanson | Freeze! |
| Kevin Swanson | Dad? |
| Joe Swanson | Careful. There’s a bear trap two feet to your right. |
| Kevin Swanson | Thanks, Dad. |
| Joe Swanson | Look out for your mother! |
| Bonnie Swanson | There’s a sandwich on the counter, honey. |
| Loretta | Cleveland, these lobster traps aren’t going to catch any intruders. |
| Cleveland | Yes, they will. |
| Cleveland | I baited them with these plump and tasty Fenway franks. |
| Cleveland Jr. | Daddy, we got one! Daddy, we got one! |
| Cleveland Jr. | Fat boy smelled a hot dog. Couldn’t help it. Went right in. |
| Cleveland Jr. | [Laughing] |
| [Classical instrumental music] | |
| Sandy Balfour | Hello. |
| Quagmire | Say, get the hell off… |
| Quagmire | Hello, lips, legs, breasts, and ass. |
| Sandy Balfour | Yes. I was hoping I could ask you about your neighbors, the Griffins. |
| Quagmire | A bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me! |
| Quagmire | All right. |
| Quagmire | No! It’s not all right! |
| Cleveland Jr. | Fat boy! |
| Cleveland | The Griffins are not to be trusted. |
| Joe Swanson | Those people are nothing but vile, cheating, lying scum. |
| Bonnie Swanson | And their carpet and drape scheme… |
| Stewie Griffin | No! No, I won’t! |
| Stewie Griffin | Get that puree of loathsomeness away from me! |
| Lois Griffin | But you love mashed turkey and peas. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’m sorry. What was that? |
| Stewie Griffin | Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Did you just tell me what I love? |
| Stewie Griffin | Write this down, you toad-faced frump. I love pancakes! |
| Sandy Balfour | Hi, little fella. |
| Sandy Balfour | Is Meg Griffin here? |
| Lois Griffin | No, she’s not. |
| Sandy Balfour | Probably out scoring more rock. |
| Sandy Balfour | Sandy Balfour, Child Services. We’re placing this baby in a foster home. |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Stewie Griffin | For God’s sake, feed me! |
| Sandy Balfour | Let me guess. All out of Puppy Chow? |
| Sandy Balfour | What an awful home for a child! |
| Lois Griffin | How dare you! This is a wonderful home! |
| [Gunshot] | |
| Peter Griffin | Quagmire, you rat bastard! |
| Peter Griffin | Come near my fence again, and that’ll be your head! |
| Quagmire | Shut up! |
| Sandy Balfour | Honey, would you like some pancakes? |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, yes! God, yes! Take me! |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie! |
| Meg Griffin | Next up is Meg Griffin, sporting her stylishly cool, brand-new… |
| Lois Griffin | A woman from Child Services came and took Stewie! |
| Lois Griffin | She said we fed him dog food! |
| Meg Griffin | Dog food? |
| Lois Griffin | Is that a real Prada bag? |
| Lois Griffin | How in the world did you make $1,100 as a waitress in one week? |
| Meg Griffin | It’s easy when you’re the unwed teenage mother of a crack-addicted baby. |
| Meg Griffin | [Laughing nervously] |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a minute. Meg, when did you become a teenager? |
| Lois Griffin | She’s 16, Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | You knew about this? |
| Sarah | Welcome to your new foster home. |
| Sarah | Baby Stewie, say hello to your new brothers and sisters. |
| Baby 1 | Hola, Stewie. |
| Baby 2 | Ni hao, Stewie. |
| Baby 3 | Stewie. |
| Stewie Griffin | Good God! I’ve been adopted by a Benetton ad! |
| Mrs. Stevens | I promise, it’ll never happen again. |
| Clerk | I hope not, Mrs. Stevens. |
| Clerk | Because next time we won’t just take him away, we’ll kill him. |
| Clerk | Let’s see. Stanley, Starkweather, Stevens! |
| Chris Griffin | So this is where babies come from? |
| Brian Griffin | Yes, Chris. This is where babies come from. |
| Chris Griffin | You told me I came out of your vagina! |
| Clerk | Next! |
| Peter Griffin | Hi. Yeah, we’re the Griffins. |
| Clerk | I’m sorry. I can’t find your paperwork. |
| Lois Griffin | Look harder! I want my baby back! |
| Peter Griffin | Please, let me handle this. The name’s Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | We’re the ones who fed dog food to our crack-addicted baby. |
| Peter Griffin | I never was any good at dealing with the authorities. |
| [Police siren] | |
| Peter Griffin | Don’t worry. I know how to handle this. |
| Cop | Are you aware you were going 50 in… |
| Cop | I’m gonna have to ask you to put your shirt down. |
| Peter Griffin | Crap. I get the one straight cop in Rhode Island. |
| Stewie Griffin | [Stewie screams angrily] |
| Stewie Griffin | Damn it! I want pancakes! |
| Stewie Griffin | You people understand every language except English! |
| Stewie Griffin | Yo quiero pancakes! |
| Stewie Griffin | Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes! |
| Sarah | Poor little guy. |
| Sarah | “Pancakes” must be street for “crack.” |
| Sarah | Damn those parents of his. |
| Foster Father | Sarah, forgiveness. |
| Foster Father | Now, Stewie, why don’t you go play with the others? |
| Girl | Stewie, come complete our rainbow! |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ve got a better idea. |
| Stewie Griffin | Let’s go play “swallow the stuff under the sink.” |
| Lois Griffin | You lied to them! |
| Peter Griffin | You told Child Services that we steal lawn mowers and cheat on our taxes and worship some guy named Stan. |
| Bonnie Swanson | Actually, I said Satan. That’s a typo. |
| Quagmire | We didn’t know who she was! It’s not our fault! |
| Lois Griffin | No? Then whose fault is it? |
| Brian Griffin | It’s all of yours! |
| Brian Griffin | You were all working together just fine, but then you won that stupid trophy. |
| Brian Griffin | You put some shiny hunk of metal before your own friendships. |
| Lois Griffin | Brian’s right. |
| Lois Griffin | We were so obsessed with that trophy, we lost sight of what was really going on. |
| Lois Griffin | Now we have a real problem to deal with. |
| Peter Griffin | That’s right! |
| Peter Griffin | Somebody tipped off the cable company about our free Cinemax. |
| Peter Griffin | Joe? |
| Peter Griffin | And we have to get Stewie back! |
| Peter Griffin | I remembered. |
| Cleveland | We’re here to help. |
| Cleveland | And we must get our baby back. |
| Joe Swanson | Right on! Let’s do it! |
| Joe Swanson | Rock their world! |
| All | Yeah! Come on! |
| All | Let’s go! We can do it! |
| Sarah | See kids? One day the world is going to be just like our home. |
| Sarah | All races living together in harmony and love. |
| [Creaking] | |
| Stewie Griffin | Pancakes! |
| Sarah | He must still be working the junk out of his system. |
| Sarah | He needs hugs! |
| [Doorbell ringing] | |
| Stewie Griffin | Doorbell! |
| Cleveland | We’re from the One World, One People Book-of-the-Month Club. |
| Cleveland | Is there something missing in your life? |
| Foster Father | You know, I just bet there is. |
| Foster Father | Sarah, we have guests! And one of them is a homosexual! |
| Bonnie Swanson | They’re in place! |
| Bonnie Swanson | God, it gets me hot when Joe lies to strangers. |
| Bonnie Swanson | When I get him home, I swear I’m gonna grease up… |
| Lois Griffin | That’s fine, Debbie. Go, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | Here we go, Dad! |
| Baby 1 | Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban? |
| Stewie Griffin | Why don’t you teach it to the Chinese girl? |
| Stewie Griffin | Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country. |
| Baby 2 | Yee, would your people really do this? |
| Stewie Griffin | Try and stop them. |
| Stewie Griffin | And try and stop Pablo’s people from using drug money to buy arms from Li’s countrymen, who in turn sells them to Ura’s people so they can ethnically cleanse this nauseatingly diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. |
| Stewie Griffin | So now you all understand, yes? You all hate each other? |
| All | [Crying] |
| Stewie Griffin | Hosanna! It’s the lesser of two evils. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, kids. I’m Santa Claus. |
| Peter Griffin | Just practicing for Christmas. |
| Baby 1 | But you’re white. |
| Baby 1 | Jack and Sarah told me Santa is Indian. |
| Baby 3 | Don’t be stupid! Santa is black! |
| Baby 2 | Santa can’t be black. We do not fear him. |
| Baby 4 | Cram it, Gandhi! Santa is Asian. |
| baby 5 | How can he be Asian? |
| Baby 5 | Santa doesn’t drive his sled 20 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on! |
| baby 5 | Go back to your rice paddy, Mulan! |
| [Yelling] | |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Stewie. We’re out of here. |
| Stewie Griffin | Dance, puppets! Dance! |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, we got him. It’s all over. |
| Lois Griffin | Careful, Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | Joe and Cleveland can’t stall them. They’re heading your way! |
| Peter Griffin | Crap! |
| Foster Father | Hold it right there! |
| Peter Griffin | Or what? |
| Stewie Griffin | Don’t shoot! |
| Stewie Griffin | Now shoot! |
| Lois Griffin | So, we’re terribly sorry we broke into your home. |
| Lois Griffin | But we just had to get Stewie back somehow. |
| Sarah | That’s a very long story. |
| Sarah | But we’ve grown attached to little Stewie. Plus, the law’s on our side. |
| Peter Griffin | You people can kiss the fattest part of my ass! |
| Peter Griffin | We’ll be back, Stewie. |
| Sarah | Wait! |
| Sarah | Is that a real Prada bag? |
| Peter Griffin | I’d like to propose a toast to our neighbors. |
| Peter Griffin | Sure they may be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound but if they moved out, some smelly Hawaiians might move in. |
| Joe Swanson | Hear, hear! |
| Cleveland | Where’s Quagmire? |
| Lois Griffin | If it wasn’t for him, we never would have found out where Stewie’s foster family lived. |
| Peter Griffin | He said he’d distract the social worker. |
| Sandy Balfour | Glen, honey, I have a question for you. What do you do for a living? |
| Quagmire | I have a question for you, too. Why are you still here? |
| Joe Swanson | What the heck happened to that trophy anyway? |
| Brian Griffin | I guess some mysteries are better left unsolved. |
| All | [Chattering] |
| Host | Submitted for your approval. |
| Host | A family pet with the uncontrollable urge to bury shiny objects in the yard. |
| Host | A shameful secret that nearly buried the peace and civility of an entire neighbor… |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie seems a little feverish after his ordeal. |
| Lois Griffin | And he keeps asking for pancakes. |
| Lois Griffin | Let’s just let him rest. |
| Stewie Griffin | Flappy, what have you done to me? |
| Stewie Griffin | It’s so hot. |
| Stewie Griffin | Now I’m freezing! |
| Stewie Griffin | What I wouldn’t do for one syrup-soaked bite. |
| Stewie Griffin | [Screams] |
- family guy script
- alright no its not alright quagmire
- i was just jerk ing out of a sound sleep
- meg single mother episode family guy
- no its not alright quagmire
- peter from family guy love thy trophy cop
- stewie did you just tell me what i love? season 2
- Take this down you toad faced frump I love pancakes!!!
- watch the cleveland show-Love Thy Trophy
- what is the pancake house called in love thy trophy?