Mind over Murder Transcript
| [Cheery singing from TV] | |
| Singer | SINGERS: “When life is getting to you |
| Singer | “put some fresh in your life Let Mintos freshen up your life |
| Singer | “Life is just a breeze when you stay fresh and cool |
| Singer | “Because Mintos puts the fresh in life |
| Singer | “Taste that freshness Just can’t beat it |
| Singer | “Mintos freshness Let Mintos freshen your life” |
| Announcer | Mintos, the Freshmaker. |
| Meg Griffin | These commercials are stupid. |
| Lois Griffin | They certainly don’t make me want a Minto. |
| Brian Griffin | Totally ineffective. |
| Peter Griffin | Must kill Lincoln. |
| Lois Griffin | [Singing] “It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | “is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | “But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | “on which we used to rely? |
| All | “Lucky there’s a family guy |
| All | “Lucky there’s a man who’ll positively tell you |
| All | “all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | “laugh ‘n’ cry |
| All | “He’s a family guy” |
| Lois Griffin | [playing classical piano music] |
| Lois Griffin | [Stops playing] |
| [Cheering and applause] | |
| Lois Griffin | [BIows kiss] |
| Lois Griffin | [Lois cries out in pain] |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Blast you, woman! Awake from your damnable reverie! |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, I’m doing the dishes. |
| Stewie Griffin | A thousand pardons for disrupting your flatware sanitation ritual. |
| Stewie Griffin | But you see, I’m in searing pain! |
| Lois Griffin | You’re just teething, Stewie. It’s a normal part of a baby’s life. |
| Stewie Griffin | Very well then, I order you to kill me at once! |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, I know you’re hurting. |
| Lois Griffin | But Mommy has to clean up the house, all right? |
| Stewie Griffin | No, it’s not all right! |
| Stewie Griffin | For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, man. This is the life. Hand me another one of them Pawtucket Patriots. |
| Peter Griffin | Guys, I want to say a toast to you, Quagmire, Cleveland… |
| Brian Griffin | Brian. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. If you guys were beers, I would drink every one of you. |
| Peter Griffin | And I wish you were because we’re out. |
| Cleveland | [Giggling] |
| Cleveland | That’s funny. That’s even more humorous than that joke you told us last night. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar, right? |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a second. |
| Peter Griffin | Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar. |
| Peter Griffin | And there’s a naked priest sitting there. And he… |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, sorry, Father. |
| Priest | No, I’ve heard them all. |
| Cleveland | Look at the time. |
| Cleveland | I promised Loretta I was gonna trim the hedges and be tender with her. |
| Peter Griffin | Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need some time off as much as we do. |
| Peter Griffin | This is when Lois does all those little things that women like to do. |
| Lois Griffin | [Grunting] |
| Lois Griffin | [Car honking, Lois sighs] |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ll be on your bed. No calls. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Hey, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | You’ve been busy all day. So I took care of dinner. |
| Lois Griffin | Really? |
| Peter Griffin | All you gotta do is gut it, clean it, scale it, and cook it. |
| Lois Griffin | I spent all morning cleaning up the house. |
| Lois Griffin | And in five seconds, you turn it into low tide at the pier. |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez. I’m sorry, honey. I’d help you clean it up. |
| Peter Griffin | But you know how lousy I am with housework. |
| Peter Griffin | Remember when I tried doing the laundry? |
| Lois Griffin | Let’s see. Shirts, pants… I’m missing another sock. |
| Mr. Tumnus | Welcome to Narnia. I’m Mr. Tumnus. |
| Peter Griffin | Give me back my sock, you goat bastard! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Hey! |
| Lois Griffin | You’re right. It’s better if I do it. |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Damn it to the bowels of bloody hell! |
| Lois Griffin | The baby’s up. Can you get him? |
| Peter Griffin | Okay. I hope he doesn’t need changing. |
| Peter Griffin | I’m a little gun-shy after what happened last time. |
| Stewie Griffin | No, you imbecile! That’s not talc! That’s paprika! |
| Stewie Griffin | Take that! |
| Lois Griffin | All right, I’ll do that, too! Can you at least take Chris to his game? |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez, Lois. I spent all morning on a boat drinking beer, telling jokes, and screwing around. |
| Peter Griffin | How about a little me time? |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, I’m begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game and come right home. |
| Lois Griffin | I need you to look after Stewie while I’m teaching piano lessons, please! |
| Peter Griffin | All right! You know I spoil you. |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: Thanks for the ride, Dad. |
| Peter Griffin | All right. Have fun, Chris. |
| Quagmire | Hey, Petey! |
| Peter Griffin | Quagmire? What are you doing here? |
| Quagmire | Soccer moms! |
| [Soccer moms giggle] | |
| Quagmire | All right. |
| Peter Griffin | I’d like to hang around with you. But Lois needs me at home. |
| Quagmire | I got beer. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Boo, Lois! Yay, beer! |
| [Playing classical music] | |
| Stewie Griffin | [shushing] |
| Lois Griffin | It’s okay, Stewie. Where the hell’s Peter? |
| Lois Griffin | That was good, Reuben. Now play Brahms’ Lullaby. |
| Lois Griffin | [Sings] “Lullaby and good night” |
| Stewie Griffin | Enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours! |
| Stewie Griffin | I wish I could make the pain go away sooner. |
| Stewie Griffin | But I can’t turn time forward. |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course! I’ll simply build a machine that can move time! I shall call it a time machine. |
| E-flat, Salieri! E-flat! | |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Go, Chris! Daddy loves you! I mean in a platonic way. I’m married. |
| Peter Griffin | [Whistle] |
| Referee | Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue! |
| Mother | That’s the 10th time today! Nice grab, orca. |
| Mother | Get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate! |
| Peter Griffin | Easy, fella. That’s my kid. Now apologize. |
| Mother | Okay. I’m sorry your kid’s a brain dead stinking blue cheese feta! |
| Peter Griffin | That’s it! |
| Chris Griffin | Way to go, Dad! |
| Boy | You hit my mom! |
| Peter Griffin | No, I hit your dad. |
| Man | Stand back. Give her some air. |
| Peter Griffin | You mean, “Give him some air.” |
| Woman | Call an ambulance. She’s going into labor. |
| Peter Griffin | You mean, “He’s going into labor.” |
| [Baby crying] | |
| Peter Griffin | Whoops. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: I can’t believe I punched a woman. |
| Brian Griffin | A pregnant woman. |
| Peter Griffin | I just hope she accepts my peace offering. |
| Peter Griffin | I sent her a little something for the baby. |
| [Melodic strumming from box] | |
| Peter Griffin | I would’ve brought it over myself if I wasn’t under house arrest. |
| Brian Griffin | You’re just fortunate this is your first offense, Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | Could’ve been a lot worse if the cops knew about the other times I broke the law. |
| Peter Griffin | And there was that time I took a whiz in public. |
| Peter Griffin | And that time I snuck into Wimbledon. |
| Quagmire | Me and Cleveland are gonna “amscray.” |
| Peter Griffin |
Wait. You guys can’t leave me here alone. |
| Quagmire | Why don’t you come with us? |
| Peter Griffin | I can’t leave the premises. They’re monitoring my every move. |
| [Electronic beeping] | |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: I gotta get out of here! |
| Lois Griffin | There’s my little house husband. |
| Lois Griffin | It’s been so wonderful having you home all week. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, honey. But I don’t know how you stand it here all day. |
| Peter Griffin | I mean, I’m so bored, I can’t even watch TV anymore. |
| Peter Griffin | All the shows are starting to run together. |
| Narrator | This contains adult content and is brought to you by the letter “H”. |
| [Phone ringing] | |
| Bert | BERT: Hello? |
| Bert | Son of a bitch. I’m on my way. |
| Bert | Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper’s. |
| Ernie | Bert, I wish you wouldn’t drink so much, Bert. |
| Bert | Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn’t eat cookies in the damn bed! |
| Ernie | Bert, you’re shouting again, Bert! |
| [Comedic instrumental music] | |
| Peter Griffin | I know you can’t understand what I’m going through. |
| Peter Griffin | All the stuff that makes you happy like cooking and cleaning, is right in the house just waiting for you. |
| Peter Griffin | You are one lucky… |
| Brian Griffin | Stop now. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I don’t do those things because I enjoy them. |
| Lois Griffin | I do them because I love my family. |
| Peter Griffin | [Giggling] |
| Peter Griffin | Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family. |
| Peter Griffin | “Lois and the family sitting in a tree” |
| Peter Griffin | See, Lois, the guys would’ve found that hilarious. |
| Lois Griffin | Why don’t I go buy some groceries and make us a nice romantic dinner? |
| Lois Griffin | Like when we were dating. That oughta take your mind off the guys. |
| Peter Griffin | It already has. |
| Peter Griffin | I wonder what the guys are up to? |
| ? | That’s nasty. |
| ? | Where’s the damn pull string? |
| ? | [Yells] |
| ? | You never know what you’re gonna find down here. |
| ? | [Dog barking, Peter yells] |
| Pawtucket Patriot | PATRIOT: Peter! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: You’re the Pawtucket Patriot. |
| Pawtucket Patriot | Verily. Come hither and give heed. |
| Peter Griffin | Whoa. I don’t swing that way, pal. |
| Peter Griffin | Look, I got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers. |
| Pawtucket Patriot | PATRIOT: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stock it with plenty of frosty Pawtucket Patriots your friends will come down here for a beer as well. |
| Peter Griffin | Build a bar! That’s a great idea. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait. One last question. |
| Peter Griffin | If I walk through you, does that mean, like, we’ve done it? |
| Pawtucket Patriot | PATRIOT: Jeez. What’s with you and the gay jokes? |
| [Cheerful instrumental music] | |
| ? | [Snoring] |
| [Instrumental music slows down] | |
| ? | [Sighs] |
| [Door opening] | |
| Lois Griffin | Where the hell have you been? We had a date. |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry, honey. I must’ve lost track of the time. |
| Peter Griffin | What do you say? You think the guys will like it? |
| Lois Griffin | This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, isn’t it great? Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen. |
| Peter Griffin | I build stuff and I have a criminal record. |
| Peter Griffin | [Macho grunting] |
| ? | [Sniffing] |
| [Guys laughing] | |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, guys. I got another one. |
| Peter Griffin | What’s the difference between pornography and art? |
| Quagmire | [Chuckling] Here it comes. |
| Peter Griffin | A government grant. |
| Cleveland | Peter, you are in the zone. |
| Peter Griffin | You know those little clam cakes you make whenever we have company? I need about a dozen. |
| Peter Griffin | Actually, better make it like 600. |
| Lois Griffin | That’s it, Peter! I’m not a servant. |
| Lois Griffin | And I’m through taking care of you and your bar buddies! |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez. Where the hell did that come from? |
| Lois Griffin | Watch the kids. I’m taking a hot bath. |
| Stewie Griffin | Put me down, you blunderbuss! |
| ? | He’s a little cranky from teething. |
| Peter Griffin | I can fix that. |
| Stewie Griffin | [Mumbling] |
| Stewie Griffin | Good God, man! |
| Stewie Griffin | One can only imagine what foul regions that finger has erstwhile probed! |
| Peter Griffin | There you go. |
| Peter Griffin | My mother used to use whiskey whenever I had a toothache. |
| Peter Griffin | My tooth hurts! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: There. How’s that feel? |
| Stewie Griffin | It’s delightful. |
| [Bathwater running] | |
| [Applause] | |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you. Thank you very much. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, you are a wonderful woman. |
| Peter Griffin | Words cannot express the depth of my appreciation and love for you. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter! |
| ? | You must be Lois. |
| Stewie Griffin | No, not silicone. Silicon. And the design of the device is quite ingenious if I do say so myself, Misty. |
| Stewie Griffin | What a delightful moniker. |
| Stewie Griffin | You see, Misty… |
| Stewie Griffin | [Stewie giggles] |
| Stewie Griffin | from the quantum theory of molecular propulsion. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ve broken my pencil! |
| Girl | I have a Barney pen in my purse. |
| Stewie Griffin | You are spectacular! |
| Lois Griffin | Chris, what are you doing here? |
| Chris Griffin | Sorry, Mom. I’m gonna need to see some ID. |
| Lois Griffin | Chris, go to your room! |
| Stewie Griffin | Hello, Mother. Care to partake in one of your oh-so-exhilarating games of peekaboo? |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God! My baby is drunk! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: No, I’m not! |
| Peter Griffin | Him? Yeah. He’s a real lightweight. |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, take Stewie upstairs. |
| Stewie Griffin | [Sings] “Show me the way to go home” Everybody! |
| Stewie Griffin | “I’m tired and I want to go to bed” Just the women! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, in the 17 years that we’ve been married I have never been as angry as I… |
| Lois Griffin | What is my piano doing down here? |
| Peter Griffin | It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet, but… Never mind. |
| Lois Griffin | That does it, Peter. Either this bar goes or I do! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: I haven’t even told you the other reason your piano’s down here. |
| Lois Griffin | I wanted you to play it. |
| Lois Griffin | Like it was an instrument. I’m telling you the truth. Right, guys? |
| Quagmire | Come on! |
| Lois Griffin | I couldn’t. |
| All | Come on! |
| Lois Griffin | Maybe one song. |
| Peter Griffin | Pretend you like it no matter how bad it stinks. |
| Lois Griffin | [Lois chuckles] |
| [Starts playing piano] | |
| Lois Griffin | [Sings] “You’ll never know just how much |
| Lois Griffin | “I love you |
| Lois Griffin | “You’ll never know just how much I care” |
| Man | Yeah! |
| Lois Griffin | “And if I try, I still |
| Lois Griffin | “couldn’t hide my love for you |
| Lois Griffin | “You oughta know for haven’t I told you so?” |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, guys. Thank you. You can stop pretending now. |
| Guy | GUY: All right! |
| Lois Griffin | “If there is some other way to prove that I love you |
| Lois Griffin | “I swear I don’t know how” |
| Man | MAN: Sing it. |
| Brian Griffin | Something troubling you, Peter? |
| Peter Griffin | Nothing. Just all my friends are eye-humping my wife. |
| Lois Griffin | “You’ll never know if you don’t know now” |
| [Applause] | |
| Guys | GUYS: Wonderful! Wow! |
| [Cheery instrumental music] | |
| Lois Griffin | It was absolutely amazing. |
| Lois Griffin | The second that spotlight hit me, I became a whole different person! |
| Stewie Griffin | Silence, you contemptible shrew! |
| Lois Griffin | I bet your gums are still sore. |
| Stewie Griffin | You’re so observant, aren’t you? Are you a detective? |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this! |
| Stewie Griffin | I must complete my time machine, move time forward, and end this agony! |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: Hey, Dad. |
| Chris Griffin | Mom says she was really on last night. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. About that. Lois, see, the guys were just being polite. |
| Peter Griffin | They thought your singing was too… |
| Lois Griffin | I was just nervous. Tonight’ll be better. |
| Peter Griffin | Tonight? Honey, I don’t think anyone’s gonna come back tonight. |
| Lois Griffin | [Sings] “Gimme, gimme, gimme what I cry for |
| Lois Griffin | “You know you got the brand of kisses |
| Lois Griffin | “that I die for” |
| Man | This one takes me back. |
| Quagmire | Now that’s a woman! |
| Quagmire | That’s a house. That’s a fish. That’s a bee! |
| Lois Griffin | “You know you made me love you” |
| Lois Griffin | I love you. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you. Thank you. Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen. |
| [Band strikes up] | |
| Lois Griffin | I was born in a little town called Quahog. |
| Man | FAN: We love you, Lois! |
| Lois Griffin | [Lois laughs] |
| Lois Griffin | Let me finish the story, fellas. You don’t want to be up all night. |
| Lois Griffin | Or do you? |
| Lois Griffin | “Or do you?” |
| Man | She’s a smokin’ little pistol, isn’t she? |
| Peter Griffin | Are you a woman? |
| Man | No. |
| Peter Griffin | My house arrest is over, Brian. Round up the guys. |
| Peter Griffin | Now that I’m a free man, we can do anything we want. |
| Brian Griffin | The guys only want to do one thing. |
| Brian Griffin | And that’s ogle your wife. |
| Brian Griffin | If Lois were my woman, I’d keep an eye on her. |
| Brian Griffin | Then again, I’m the jealous type. |
| Man | Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act. Nice melons. |
| Peter Griffin | Listen, pal… |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I’m holding melons. |
| Man | And her hooters ain’t bad either! |
| Peter Griffin | Now hang on a second there! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I’m holding hooters. |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry. |
| Lois Griffin | No problem. |
| Man | Your wife’s hot! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: That’s it! Your singing days are over. |
| Peter Griffin | If I wanted to marry Lola Falana, I would have. |
| Peter Griffin | Look, Lola. This whole thing is just going way too fast for me. |
| Leslie Uggams | For the last time, I’m not Lola! I’m Leslie Uggams! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, having me sing was your idea in the first place. |
| Peter Griffin | I just wanted to keep my bar. |
| Peter Griffin | I built that thing so my friends would come to see me, not you. |
| Lois Griffin | Is that so? Let me tell you something. |
| Lois Griffin | I love singing! And I will continue to sing! |
| Lois Griffin | How dare you upset me this close to showtime! |
| Peter Griffin | Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Watch where you’re going, buddy. |
| Woman | Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you. |
| Peter Griffin | Listen, I don’t want any more trouble. |
| Woman | Thanks to your wife my husband hasn’t been home all week! |
| Woman | That singing hussy is destroying our marriages! |
| [Women murmuring] | |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, then do something about it. |
| Peter Griffin | Come to my basement tonight and drag your husbands out of there. |
| Women | Maybe we will. |
| Woman | Yeah! |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez, fella. Can’t you take that outside? |
| Lois Griffin | This next number is dedicated to my very supportive husband, Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | Hit it! |
| Lois Griffin | [Sings] “Don’t tell me not to fly I’ve simply gotta |
| Lois Griffin | “If someone takes a spill it’s me and not you |
| Lois Griffin | “Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade” |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh? |
| Brian Griffin | Yes, your judgment lately has been rather… |
| Brian Griffin | You have crappy judgment anyway. |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: This is intolerable! |
| Stewie Griffin | This foolishness is preventing me from completing work on… |
| Stewie Griffin | Egads! The blueprints for my time machine! |
| Stewie Griffin | Those are for my eyes only! |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you. |
| Lois Griffin | Look everyone, Stewie drew a picture for his mommy. |
| Stewie Griffin | No! |
| [Fan whistling] | |
| Man | Hold up the picture. Let’s see. |
| Stewie Griffin | No! Nothing to see here. |
| Man 2 | GUY: How cute. It’s a time machine! |
| Stewie Griffin | No! It’s a… Blast, what the devil do children draw? |
| Stewie Griffin | It’s a pheasant! |
| Man 3 | A time machine. Sure. Here’s where the flux capacitor goes. |
| Man 3 | I can’t wait to build one of these of my own. |
| Stewie Griffin | I’ll not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans. |
| Stewie Griffin | You shall rue this day. Go on! Start ruing! |
| Lois Griffin | Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you good night. |
| Stewie Griffin | Burn in hell! |
| Lois Griffin | Hell. Hell has fire. And you know what else? |
| Lois Griffin | [Sings] “It’s got steam heat |
| Lois Griffin | “I got steam heat |
| Lois Griffin | “But I need your love to keep away the cold I got…” |
| Woman | ANGRY PARENT: All right, break it up! |
| Lois Griffin | What’s going on here? |
| Woman | Your little peep show is over! We’re taking back our men! |
| Lois Griffin | Peep show? I just do this for fun. Look, all day long I scrub and cook and take care of my kids. And nobody cheers. |
| Lois Griffin | No one even says thank you. But when the band starts playing and the music’s flowing through me, I feel, I don’t know, special. |
| Lois Griffin | I guess you all think that’s pretty silly. |
| Woman | Not at all. |
| Woman | You didn’t tell us that part! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, you’re behind all this? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes. And you’ll never catch me! |
| Peter Griffin | [Giggles maniacally] |
| Peter Griffin | [Screams repeatedly] |
| Lois Griffin | I bet he also didn’t tell you he never helps me around the house. |
| Lois Griffin | Or takes me out to dinner. Or notices when I get my hair done. |
| Woman | Oh, no, that’s just… |
| Woman 2 | My husband’s the same way. |
| Woman 3 | So’s mine. |
| [People chattering] | |
| Quagmire | Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons. I’m gonna go grab some ozone. |
| ? | Peter! There’s a king in the cards! |
| Stewie Griffin | They saw my blueprints! What a grievous breach of security! |
| Stewie Griffin | Damn! What do to? Wait for it… Yes! |
| Stewie Griffin | Instead of moving time forward to bypass this wretched teething it might just be possible to reverse time’s heady flow and undo ever having drawn those damnable blueprints. |
| Man | You’ll never get away with this! |
| Stewie Griffin | Silence! |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, you make it sound like I don’t appreciate you at all. |
| Lois Griffin |
Peter, when was the last time you told me you love me? |
| Peter Griffin | You know I do. |
| Lois Griffin | I want to hear it! |
| Peter Griffin | Is that what this is all about? |
| Man | Run for your lives! |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap! |
| Peter Griffin | Hot! |
| [Explosion] | |
| [Screaming] | |
| Lois Griffin | There’s no way out! |
| Stewie Griffin | At last! My time device is complete! Just one final adjustment. There. |
| Stewie Griffin | Now I shall negate ever having drawn those damnable blueprints. |
| Stewie Griffin | Blast! |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez. We’re screwed! Look, I promise if we get out of this alive I’m gonna help out around the house and say “I love you” every day. |
| Lois Griffin | You mean it? |
| Peter Griffin | I’m a changed man, Lois. A better man. |
| Peter Griffin | And to think, if I hadn’t taken Chris to his soccer game I never would’ve learned this valuable lesson. |
| [People talking backwards] | |
| [Mystical instrumental music] | |
| [Backwards speech slowing] | |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, I’m begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game and come right home. |
| Lois Griffin | I need you to look after Stewie while I’m teaching piano lessons, please! |
| Peter Griffin | All right! You know I spoil you. |
| Peter Griffin | My foot! I can’t walk! I guess you’ll have to take Chris yourself. |
| Peter Griffin | [Giggles] |
| Stewie Griffin | My device! My teeth! |
| Incisor | I’m free! Free! |
| Incisor | I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor! |
| Bicuspid | I think not! |
| Incisor | Bicuspid! We meet again. |
| Bicuspid | Have at you! |
| Incisor | En garde! |
| Incisor | Shall we bite the tongue then? |
| Bicuspid | On three. One, two… |
| Stewie Griffin | [Screams] |
| [Theme music] |
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