Family Guy Season 3 Episode Guide
Family Guy's third season first aired on the Fox network in twenty-two episodes from September 13, 2001 to November 9, 2003 before being released as a DVD box set and in syndication. It premiered with the episode "The Thin White Line" and finished with "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein". The third season of Family Guy continues the adventures of the dysfunctional Griffin family-father Peter, mother Lois, daughter Meg, son Chris, baby Stewie and Brian, the family pet, who reside in their hometown of Quahog. The executive producers for the third season were David Zuckerman and series creator Seth MacFarlane.
Episode 1: The Thin White Line
Unable to shake his neuroses, Brian decides to give something back to the community by using his expert nose to help the police force sniff for drugs. His help puts dozens of cocaine traffickers behind bars, but he soon finds himself getting too enamored of the powder. When he finally breaks down and admits he’s addicted, Peter decides to join him at the rehab center.
Episode 2: Brian Does Hollywood
After recovering from his cocaine addiction, Brian decides it’s time to move on with his life and packs up for California to pursue his dream of writing screenplays. He follows up on a contact from a friend and ends up being offered a chance to direct, but when the studio turns out to be a porn production house, Brian must decide just how much he wants to work in movies.
Episode 3: Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington
When the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is bought out by a tobacco company, Peter gets promoted to an executive position. Everyone in the family is thrilled with his newfound success until it turns out that his bosses want him to lobby Congress for favorable tobacco legislation. Peter rationalizes his job for a while, but eventually sees the damage it’s doing to his family.
Episode 4: One If by Clam, Two If by Sea
Horace sells the Drunken Clam to a British investor, who converts the bar into an old English pub. Upset about the loss of their traditional watering hole, Petter and the guys start an unsuccessful revolution to drive him out. Meanwhile, Stewie meets the new owner’s toddler daughter, and begins an intensive training course on her to turn her into a proper English lady.
Episode 5: And the Wiener Is…
As Chris grows up, Peter starts getting nervous about the day when he will start catching up with his father. Peter’s worst fears are realized in the locker room, however, when he sees that Chris has an enormous penis. Overcome by jealousy and self-doubt, Peter tries to salvage his ego in a number of different ways without ruining his relationship with his son
Episode 6: Death Lives
Peter is hit by a falling tree while golfing on his anniversary, and Death shows up to show him where he’s going wrong in his life. Peter is too slow on the uptake to get the message, however, so Death gives up and decides to just let him pass on. When Peter sees that Death is lonely for a girlfriend, he makes a deal to help arrange a date with Death in exchange for his life back.
Episode 7: Lethal Weapons
Lois joins Bonnie’s martial arts class for fun, and soon becomes the course’s star pupil. When Quahog gets overrun with leaf-watchers from New York, Peter decides to use his wife’s new fighting skills to try and run them out of town. The plan succeeds, but the violent tendencies he awakens in Lois may not be so easy to bring back under control again.
Episode 8: The Kiss Seen Around the World
Meg develops a crush on the local news anchor, Tom Tucker, so decides to take a internship at the news station as a junior anchor. But, much to her dismay her fellow anchor is Neil Goldman. A nerd from her school who’s only goal in life is to be with Meg.
Episode 9: Mr. Saturday Knight
Tired of being stuck at his dead end job, Peter decides to invite his boss, Mr. Weed, over for dinner in hopes that he we’ll give him a promotion. Not long after Peter gets his promotion, his boss chokes on a roll and dies. After Mr. Weed’s funeral Peter and his fellow factory workers are informed that the factory is being torn down. With some persuasion from Lois, Peter then decides to fulfill his lifetime dream of being a Renaissance [...]
Episode 10: A Fish Out of Water
Still out of a job, Peter decides to buy a fishing boat and become a deep sea fisherman. The fish aren’t biting, however, and the loan company is threatening to foreclose on Peter’s house if he can’t repay the money he borrowed to buy his boat. He hears about a $50,000 reward for catching the famous man-eating fish, Daggermouth, so together with Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire, he goes in search of the killer. Meanwhile, Lois shows Meg how to party [...]
Episode 11: Emission Impossible
After one of Lois’ friends has a baby, she and Peter think about having another child themselves. When Stewie hears about this, he panics at the thought of losing his status in the family, and begins taking measures to ensure that Peter will never get Lois pregnant. He may be missing the bigger picture, however, as a similarly evil younger brother may be just the partner he needs.
Episode 12: To Love and Die in Dixie
After the criminal that went to jail because of Chris’ identification breaks out, the entire family is sent to live in the deep south as part of the Witness Protection Program. The family must make adjustments, but discover that life in the country isn’t so bad. Peter and Brian get jobs with the local police force, Meg finds herself the most popular girl in school, and Chris finds himself feeling the first stirrings of love for his new friend Sam.
Episode 13: Screwed the Pooch
In an effort to finally be accepted by Lois’ parents, Peter tries to become more cultured. His efforts fail, however, until he’s invited to play poker with his father-in-law’s friends, Bill Gates, Michael Eisner and Ted Turner. He wins them over, and soon starts feeling like one of the family. Brian, meanwhile, feels his sex drive starting to run wild, until he finally loses control with one of Mr. Pewterschmidt’s prize racing dogs.
Episode 14: Peter Griffin: Husband, Father… Brother?
While learning about his family history, Chris discovers that one of Peter’s ancestors was a black slave once owned by the Pewterschmidts.
Episode 15: Ready, Willing and Disabled
After letting a crook escape, Joe falls into a deep depression. Peter tries to snap him out of it by talking him into competing in the Special People’s Games. Though Joe frequently starts to lose hope, Peter keeps encouraging him to go the distance. When the final event comes and Joe is having a hard time keeping up, Peter decides that he may need more than verbal encouragement and gives Joe a little something extra for strength.
Episode 16: A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas
Christmas is coming, and Lois is doing all she can to get the Griffin household ready for the big occasion. Stewie is going to play Jesus in the town nativity scene, and Peter is going out to do the family’s gift shopping. Along the way, however, Peter manages to give away all the presents to charity, Brian sets the house on fire, and Stewie becomes obsessed with getting plutonium from Santa Claus. Will Lois keep from cracking under the strain? [...]
Episode 17: Brian Wallows and Peter’s Swallows
After getting pulled over for drunk driving, Brian is sentenced to do volunteer work caring for a cranky, reclusive old woman. Peter, meanwhile, has grown a full beard, only to have a rare breed of swallow lay its eggs inside it. As Peter grows more fond of the baby birds living under his nose, Brian discovers that his elderly charge has a far more interesting past than he ever suspected.
Episode 18: From Method to Madness
Brian tries out for a part with a local theater troupe, but is met with little encouragement from the judges. When Stewie gets up on stage to give them a heartfelt tongue-lashing, he immediately gets picked to join a junior acting program, where he butts heads with Olivia, the club prima donna. Peter, meanwhile, rescues a man from drowning, only to discover later that he and his family are all nudists.
Episode 19: Stuck Together, Torn Apart
Angered over Peter’s incessant jealousy, Lois insists they go see a marriage counselor. To their surprise, he recommends that they try dating other people for a while. Lois goes out with Quagmire, while Mort sets Peter up on a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Stewie and Brian, meanwhile, end up getting their hands glued together and have to wait for two weeks for the solvent to arrive.
Episode 20: Road to Europe
Stewie becomes obsessed with a British TV show on PBS, leading him to decide to ditch his low-class surroundings and go live in England where everyone is cultured and educated. Brian chases him to the airport to stop him, but they inadvertently end up on a flight to the Middle East. Peter and Lois, meanwhile, decide to take a vacation following the rock group Kiss, where Peter discovers a few things about Lois he never suspected.
Episode 21: Family Guy Viewer Mail #1
This episode is made up of three shorts supposedly based on ideas sent in by viewers. In the first, Peter is granted three wishes by a genie and ends up as a shapeless blob after his bones are all removed. In the second, a toxic waste leak gives the Griffins superpowers, which they promptly start abusing. The third looks at the residents of Quahog as little kids, with Peter and Quagmire fighting for the affections of the new girl, Lois.
Episode 22: When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
After hearing about the good jobs his friends’ lawyers and accountants are doing, Peter becomes fixated on the idea of Jews as mathematical and legal geniuses. Hoping to give Chris a chance for a better future than he can provide as a Catholic, Peter decides to have his son convert to Judaism at a quickie Las Vegas Bar Mitzvah in order to turn him smart.
