Family Guy Season 3 Episode Guide
Family Guy’s third season first aired on the Fox network in twenty-two episodes from September 13, 2001 to November 9, 2003 before being released as a DVD box set and in syndication. It premiered with the episode “The Thin White Line” and finished with “When You Wish Upon a Weinstein”. The third season of Family Guy continues the adventures of the dysfunctional Griffin family-father Peter, mother Lois, daughter Meg, son Chris, baby Stewie and Brian, the family pet, who reside in their hometown of Quahog. The executive producers for the third season were David Zuckerman and series creator Seth MacFarlane.
After hearing about the good jobs his friends’ lawyers and accountants are doing, Peter becomes fixated on the idea of Jews as mathematical and legal geniuses. Hoping to give Chris a chance for a better future than he can provide as a Catholic, Peter decides to have his son convert to Judaism at a quickie Las Vegas Bar Mitzvah in order to turn him smart.
In the first, Peter is granted three wishes by a genie and ends up as a shapeless blob after his bones are all removed. In the second, a toxic waste leak gives the Griffins superpowers, which they promptly start abusing. The third looks at the residents of Quahog as little kids, with Peter and Quagmire fighting for the affections of the new girl, Lois.
When Stewie and Brian stow away on a flight to Europe, they end up stranded in Saudi Arabia and take up residence at a Comfort Inn. In an attempt to get home, they steal a hot air balloon and pay a visit to Italy and England. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter go to KISS Stock and Peter is mortified when Lois doesn’t know any KISS lyrics.
When Lois meets up with an old college friend Peter’s jealousy causes trouble and they seek a marriage counselor. The marriage counselor recommends a trial separation and Peter ends up on a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Meanwhile Brian and Stewie accidentally glue their hands together.
When Brian auditions for a role at the local theater, Stewie is discovered and enters the Quahog School of Performing Arts. Meanwhile, Peter rescues a man from the ocean only to discover that the man is a nudist.
When Brian finds the dating scene unbearable, he drowns his loneliness in alcohol and gets arrested for drunk driving. A court judge sentences him to care for a cranky elderly woman who winds up being the love of Brian’s life. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard which becomes a nest for endangered birds.
Christmas is coming, and Lois is doing all she can to get the Griffin household ready for the big occasion. Stewie is going to play Jesus in the town nativity scene, and Peter is going out to do the family’s gift shopping. Along the way, however, Peter manages to give away all the presents to charity, Brian sets the house on fire, and Stewie becomes obsessed with getting plutonium from Santa Claus. Will Lois keep from cracking under the strain?
When Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self-confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter becomes determined to help Joe and offers to train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter spikes Joe’s drink with steroids and he goes on to win the gold medal and fame. Meanwhile, Stewie, Meg and Brian fight over a money clip and $26.
When Chris begins to embrace African-American culture, Peter takes him to an Irish heritage museum to teach him about his own culture. In a genealogy book, Chris discovers that he has an African-American ancestor. Meanwhile, when the Pewterschmidts come to visit, they reveal a secret and bribe Peter to keep it quiet. But after Peter accepts the bribe, he makes a harsh realization.
When Brian joins Lois and Peter on their visit to the Pewterschmidits, his pent-up sexual energy is unleashed on the Pewterschmidit’s dog Sea Breeze. After the vet informs them that Sea Breeze is pregnant, Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian near her. Brian decides to sue him for custody of the puppies.
After the criminal that went to jail because of Chris’ identification breaks out, the entire family is sent to live in the deep south as part of the Witness Protection Program. The family must make adjustments, but discover that life in the country isn’t so bad. Peter and Brian get jobs with the local police force, Meg finds herself the most popular girl in school, and Chris finds himself feeling the first stirrings of love for his new friend Sam.
After one of Lois’ friends has a baby, she and Peter think about having another child themselves. When Stewie hears about this, he panics at the thought of losing his status in the family, and begins taking measures to ensure that Peter will never get Lois pregnant. He may be missing the bigger picture, however, as a similarly evil younger brother may be just the partner he needs.
Still out of a job, Peter decides to buy a fishing boat and become a deep sea fisherman. The fish aren’t biting, however, and the loan company is threatening to foreclose on Peter’s house if he can’t repay the money he borrowed to buy his boat. He hears about a $50,000 reward for catching the famous man-eating fish, Daggermouth, so together with Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire, he goes in search of the killer. Meanwhile, Lois shows Meg how to party like a pro at Spring Break.
After Peter loses his job at Happy-Go-Lucky Toys, he is encouraged by Lois to live his life-long dream of becoming a Renaissance fair jouster. Peter enrolls in training, but quickly gets on the wrong side of the black knight, who attempts to banish him from the fair. Peter is upset, but decides to watch the jousting from the stands. The black knight defeats all his competitors, until Peter decides to challenge him and wins; Peter refuses the offer to join as a full-time jouster, instead returning him with his family.
Meg develops a crush on the local news anchor, Tom Tucker, so decides to take a internship at the news station as a junior anchor. But, much to her dismay her fellow anchor is Neil Goldman. A nerd from her school who’s only goal in life is to be with Meg.
Lois joins Bonnie’s martial arts class for fun, and soon becomes the course’s star pupil. When Quahog gets overrun with leaf-watchers from New York, Peter decides to use his wife’s new fighting skills to try and run them out of town. The plan succeeds, but the violent tendencies he awakens in Lois may not be so easy to bring back under control again.
Peter is hit by a falling tree while golfing on his anniversary, and Death shows up to show him where he’s going wrong in his life. Peter is too slow on the uptake to get the message, however, so Death gives up and decides to just let him pass on. When Peter sees that Death is lonely for a girlfriend, he makes a deal to help arrange a date with Death in exchange for his life back.
As Chris grows up, Peter starts getting nervous about the day when he will start catching up with his father. Peter’s worst fears are realized in the locker room, however, when he sees that Chris has an enormous penis. Overcome by jealousy and self-doubt, Peter tries to salvage his ego in a number of different ways without ruining his relationship with his son.
When a hurricane hits Quahog, seemingly everything is destroyed. Though The Druken Clam is still standing, the owner, Horace, decides to sell it to an Englishman named Nigel Pinchley, who turns it into a British pub, much to Peter and the guys’ dismay. That night, the pub is mysteriously burned down, and Peter and the guys are thrown in jail after an anonymous tip is sent to the police.
When the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is bought out by a tobacco company, Peter gets promoted to an executive position. Everyone in the family is thrilled with his newfound success until it turns out that his bosses want him to lobby Congress for favorable tobacco legislation. Peter rationalizes his job for a while, but eventually sees the damage it’s doing to his family.
Continuing where “The Thin White Line” left us, Brian has now moved to Hollywood, where he tries valiantly to get his movie script some attention. He eventually scores the position of a movie director. When the family hear about Brian’s success, they come to Hollywood to visit; Brian however leaves out one small detail: he’s actually directing a porno.
Joe recognises the strength of Brian’s sense of smell, so he gives him a job as a police dog to help sniff out drugs. Things go great until Brian accidentally inhales some cocaine; he quickly becomes addicted, eventually accusing an innocent airline passenger of carrying drugs.